About Me

My photo

Introducing Nicole Ramirez
Hello my name is Nicole and it mean victory of the people, victorious one, and it origin is from Greece.
I am a photographer, author, as well as an artist. This is my first posting here in my blog, and over the next season, i will share from several different subjects so as to encourage you.  One goal I have and intend to accomplish is to share the trials, traumas, and just hard times that i have come through, that i made it this far and you can too.
So, let me start with as i said above....  My name is Nicole. I am adopted and found out as i was raised by my adoptive parents, that my name was given to my by my biological dad. I was born in the 50's, and even though now in the 21st century, when i was growing up there was not one other Nicole i even met, heard of, be it in my life or on television. I never heard the name Nicole anywhere at all.
I was raised by Mr & Mrs Stickler, my adoptive parents, and they adopted another kid, this time a boy, and now i had a brother. We moved ever so much and so i never really got established in a neighborhood, all but for once. 
My dad acquired cancer and died of it when i was 11. We moved back to Pennsylvania, so he could say goodbye to his blood family before he died. After his death we came back to California, and settled in
San Diego County, the home of my moms sister.  We settled in an rural area of the Eastern County, and we stayed in one place, and it was nice to go to one school my entire high school years.
Of course i saw some cute looking guys, and sorta would follow them around. Another guy became aware of me, especially as i started to go to sports events to take pictures. I decided to take photography, for i needed credits to graduate, and that seemed different and maybe fun.  By the end of my junior year, i started dating this guy who was watching me. He graduated that year and 2 years later i then graduated.  He then moved and got his own apartment and i invited myself to move in. Within several months a very good friend of mine, had a dream, and because of the dream, she begged me to watch Billy Graham crusade that weekend on the t.v. (i had gone to his crusades growing up, and watched his crusades lots of times).  So the weekend came and it was December of 1977. I watched the crusade and ended up curled up on the floor crying at the end when the invitation to accept Christ was given. Well that very night, i couldn't go to bed with my boyfriend, i just KNEW it was not good anymore. So i slept in the walk in closet. Within the next week, i moved home with my mom. (she now only had a one bedroom apartment, and my brother had left home).  Within several months my boyfriend whose name was Charles, well he came to invite me out on a date once again, and shared with me he was saved now.  Within 5 months i was engaged, and we got married in June 1979.
I got pregnant nearly immediately and had a son in June of 1980 and named him charles as well. I now called my husband Charlie. The next 20 years were basically 2 more kids, who were boys, and several apartments too.
In 2002 my mom died, and within a year i started looking for my birth mom.  It was (I think) in 2005 that i found my birth dad. I found him for i had always known we had the new paper article in which it was shared the details of my situation..........
Details will be given in the next posting on my blog...........

Sunday, December 29, 2013


Well though the new has begun, so often; "I" must take that which has been spoken and turn into action/a prophetic act. So either just ignore this posting OR embrace it. For months now, I have been ever so aware of the sun's rising. Since it is in the season of it's later rising, most of the time 7:00 here at my house/home, I am so often sitting at my desk WHEN the SUN rises. Or maybe better yet, when the earth rotates so as the sun hits its lands, oceans, and territories.  BUT this morning as I sat at my desk, I wasn't just aware, but AWARE and stood up, faced east at 7:06 am. Within 90 seconds IT HAPPENED, the suns/SON'S rays hit me.  I was in awe, was elated beyond words......
THEN I heard those beautiful Red Crowned Parrots flying over too.  This was and is a  new day.
Oh and though we are about to have a new year here in the Roman Calendar, well The Hebraic new year already started (well that was what I was taught anyway): I have decided to make a list and get organized in  many areas. Physical exercise, gardening lists, and going beyond my book and greeting cards which IS most of my items for sale.
What is your NEW PLANS for 2014/5774.........................

Here is a Link to where I store a lot of my work........
Enjoy~~  Photography by Nicole

Tuesday, December 24, 2013


Have you ever done, and Done, and DONE. You have done so much, there isn't anything else you can do.
These last few years, I have put the armor of God on each night before bedtime, as well as if and when I awake at night. This is what I discerned to do for the time I have been in.
Recently I have been hearing (in the spiritual realm), "after doing all stand".  As I was pondering, "Where/what chapter, what book of the Bible might this be in. Hah........ it is in the same verse of putting on the spiritual armor.  So this sweet little posting on Christmas Eve, is  Nicole........ you have done all, now STAND FIRM.  So...........
Ephesians 6 declares this:
Finally my brethren, be strong in the power of the Lord and the power of HIs might. Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having the breastplate of righteousness; and your feet shod with the gospel of peace; above all; taking the shield of faith, wherewith you shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; 
So many of us wonder what is the next step to take or the next thing to do.........   Maybe it is just to stand, but Stand Firm.
Have a glorious Christmas, and may you be surprised with a gift or more that you never expected and it will bless you more than you can imagine.
SHALOM from San Diego.........

Nicole (Nikki)

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Oh YOU want 100% of my life LORD~~~

This season, I have heard in several ways that GOD wants ALL of me. I have always known that but it has come front and center, and with how the last years have gone, with the battles, warfare, and though so much GOOD has happened with the deliverance of actual demons, (yes I have been a Christian over 30 years), there is still "stuff" that is still clinging onto me. 
A teaching that has come forth has been giving ALL of oneself to the Lord, not just a percentage.  SOOOO this last couple of weeks I have been thinking ALOT and finally today, put those thoughts into action.  I got out a case of my books and took them to church.  I shared with the proper person, what I wanted to do, and if I had permission.
Church started and we started singing. I got a couple of books out and signed them with a word of encouragement to the person(s) it was intended for.  Before long Tim (not his real name), got a book and before long, called me up and prayed for me.  Well one of the first persons in whom I gave a signed book to, wanted to know how much they would cost, for they wanted more to buy for Christmas presents (wow).  I then was prayed for and after several minutes, returned to my seat.  I finished the service and gave books away as I planned. 
Now it was lunch time my sweet mom in law choose to take me and her son (my husband) out to eat. After we were done, we need to stop off at Costco to pick up some items. I grabbed a book, (in anticipation of giving it away), and we got inside and got into line for my order of photography. Before long there were several in line behind us. I just "decided" to give the woman behind me a signed book. So I asked her name and her permission to give her one. Before long we were communicating and as I handed it to her, she got emotional, and tears began to flow. I held/hugged her tightly and her adult kids were there as well and when she opened the book, it was to a page of butterflies and she started SOBBING. This lasted several minutes and when she could speak, she shared that her grandma had died, and her grandma loved butterflies.  Our encounter lasted about 10 minutes and many were aware of "something important" was happening.  I was next to be called, so as to pick up my order and then moved on. We came home and stopped at the corner market to get something to drink (I like Dr. Pepper). That store also sells my photography. Looking back, it's when I don't "think", well that seems to be when GOD does so much in me, through me.
So in conclusion, the sun is down, and the day is over. I have a new customer and the corner market, wants more cards to sell.
Lord I pray that I/WE will seek Your Kingdom first, Quit relying on my own understanding....... and to give YOU ALL of ourselves.  Here is a link to share some of what I do...............     SHALOM      https://www.etsy.com/shop/PhotographybyNicole

Friday, December 13, 2013

Quit thinking is such a negative way~~~~~~~~~~

Well, so many of "us" complain, whine over negative items, be it our bills, housework, our family and it's issues, and ever so much more......
Over the last season, I have done the same thing, and have though healing has come into being, it took me over a year to realize I was actually delivered of some horrible *)@#!&(=.     God has so greatly blessed me, you, us, and most of the time we don't even acknowledge it.
I have the book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, and there are many declarations of tidbits of life, and breakthrough in it. I realize it is not scripture, but there are so many nuggets there.  ONE BEING: Visualize what your breakthrough is, visualize good, an example being, your cupboards full, and your body healthy.  Let me type the very statement off of page 81, by Dr. Denis Waitley

I took the visualization process from the Apollo program, and instituted it during the 1980's and 90's into t he Olympic program. It was called the Visual Motor Rehearsal.
When you visualize then you materialize. Here's an interesting thing about the mind: we took Olympic athletes and had them run their even only in their mind, and then hooked them up to sophisticated  biofeedback equipment. Incredibly, the same  muscles fired in the same sequence when  they were running the race in their mind as when they were running it on the track. How could this be? Because the mind can't distinguish whether you're really doing it or whether it's just a practice.  If you've been there in the mind you'll go there in the body. 

So as I share this, I think of many who are dieting, getting medical treatment, waiting for that special someone, and a list of many other scenarios that we are waiting for, but not visualizing a "GOOD" outcome.  Try this for a  season and "SEE" what happens. 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


I KNOW this, that THAT which I have been battling with is OVER WITH! Healing is still in progress but ALL the Chains from that ISSUE are over. It's time to go and do once more. I quit doing ever so much, and have dwelt in "self this", and "self that", oh of course self pity too. I am to no longer gaze behind, though "stuff" still needs to be dealt with, you know like when you have been hurt, the surgery is over and now it's time to rehabilitate, and honestly, even that is almost done as well. My focus shall be with the present, with God, and whatsoever things are good. In this world, we so often focus on the bad and the ugly, and forget the good. So this day and it surely is cold as well as a dark time of year, for the shortest day is coming up, well THEN things in our lives will be getting brighter and brighter. REALLY! MY CHAINS ARE GONE!!

Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)

Saturday, November 30, 2013

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger~~~

What doesn't kill you makes your stronger! And though I have heard that for years, it is nearly indescribable until you experience it. I had a HORRIBLE thanksgiving, BUT it took me 24 hours to realized, GOD allowed it, for HE KNEW I would make it through and not give up. I have been a blubbering mess ever since. This season, my emotions have escalated beyond fathomable depth/intensity. So as I heard this hymn this am, i melted again. Ready? IN CHRIST ALONE and don't just hear, sing, the words, but Declare and Proclaim them! The link below (Click to listen to the song and here are the Lyrics) Shalom In Christ alone my hope is found He is my light, my strength, my song This Cornerstone, this solid ground Firm through the fiercest drought and storm What heights of love, what depths of peace When fears are stilled, when strivings cease My Comforter, my All in All Here in the love of Christ I stand In Christ alone, who took on flesh Fullness of God in helpless babe This gift of love and righteousness Scorned by the ones He came to save 'Till on that cross as Jesus died The wrath of God was satisfied For every sin on Him was laid Here in the death of Christ I live There in the ground His body lay Light of the world by darkness slain Then bursting forth in glorious Day Up from the grave He rose again And as He stands in victory Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me For I am His and He is mine Bought with the precious blood of Christ No guilt in life, no fear in death This is the power of Christ in me From life's first cry to final breath Jesus commands my destiny No power of hell, no scheme of man Can ever pluck me from His hand 'Till He returns or calls me home Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

In Christ Alone - Adrienne Liesching and Geoff Moore (with lyrics)

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Letting God love you..............

WOW, another WOW! Just going deeper with ABBA. I have never felt so good, and that is so interesting to me.... FOR the warfare this season has been tremendous in certain ways. Each of has different battles, and so often it is in areas that we as of yet don't have victory in yet: BUT WILL as we don't give up. Basically I am FEELING, EXPERIENCING everything from LOVE to fear. What I thought would be healing isn't for most of my life I have given, GIVEN. Be it a vase of flowers to a meal to others. This season I am FEELING, EXPERIENCING Love and though I have known the characteristics (from I Corinthians 13), of love, I now feel them and have accepted them. God is having me not give as much as receive. So whatever you haven't grasped, well may this be the season that you do grasp it, and receive it. Also I abhor waiting for most anything. As far back as I can remember, stuff has been promised to me, and though one will promise it to me (from birth parents, to acquaintances, family members, employees etc); well words have never met much to me. God created by speaking it into existence. SO many of us speak it, and it comes to pass. May we pay attention to those words we speak. Last week I said, "that was smart Nicole", which was negative and I knew by the Holy Spirit, that saying that was not good and even based by a spirit of negativity. So I prayed against that spirit, and now am being aware of what I say and careful what I say. WOW, if we would be aware of what we say, we could have much less illness and so much more ugh! In closing, ask the Lord (and get a pencil and paper ready to write down what comes into you brain), Lord show me to focus on whatsoever things are pure (philippians 4:8). We will walk and live in such a better place when we do this.... SHALOM

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Today is/was nearly INDESCRIBABLE!!!

I have been coming through such a season. One which has been gradual in my healing. God is ever so much more clever than us, and HE knew that my healing needed/needs to be slow, precise, thorough, and ever so much more than I can ever imagine. He made me with such anointing for His Creation, be it people, but ever so much our planet. There have been times of being blessed by the Red Crowned Parrots here in our County. They fly by the hundreds directly over my home even. They have sat on the wires above and eaten fruit. Lots of others special gifts HE has given, and they almost all have been that which is around me just COMING ALIVE. This week we have had a storm come through and dump some rain, and that was good. I had some errands to do today and upon getting home, got some dishes done and made some coffee. AND THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went outside to see if my cat needed some food and I was dumbfounded at what I felt and saw to the west. The sun was getting read to set and you could see the beauty of the brightness of it. I knew the storm was over. Be it spiritual or physical. (of course there will more storms, but the current one is over). The clouds were beginning to part. I was delighted, so I shared on Facebook, what I saw and felt. Well I HAD to outside again and watch it, and this time took my camera. I climbed upon my makeshift ladder and got a couple of pictures and was doubly delighted in what I was experiencing. The clouds like a blanket was coming east and the sky was sooooooo blue. Then I noticed over my pergola, a beautiful blue morning glory in full bloom! So I got some wonderful images. I came back in the house and uploaded the pictures. Well I went outside AGAIN, and was totally blown away for what I NOW SAW. I felt like I was in heaven (I can only imagine). I got some more pictures and upon looking to the east it was nearly black with storm clouds, but the west was totally cloudless. I kept hearing the song by Kim Walker HOW HE LOVES US and was singing it, not realizing that the Holy Spirit was singing it, or well I just knew God was ministering that song all over, in, and through me. I then took MORE pictures and then felt/knew/discerned to be quiet and just watch/listen. So I did for several minutes and then I heard TAPS. You know the song about when someone dies. I stayed there for several more minutes........... Finally came in for the color was gone out of the sky. I share this link, for I went and learned the History of Taps.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Who am I?

Honestly, I don't even know where to start this post............. Well, let's start with the sunrise. As the sun rose, I reflected on the night which was a breakthrough for me, and this is why! For several years I have awoken several times nearly EVERY NIGHT. I rarely sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. So I tend to go to bed early 8am or before, and get up oh maybe at 6- 8 am. In bed for maybe 10-12 hours and get maybe 6 hours of sleep. Of course there were many a night it was only about 4 hours or so. Now I love (for whatever reason) to make lists. I love to check things of a list as well. Soooo, as I got out my bird field guide, I was looking up a bird and ran across the check off list I have used in the back and just pondered, browsed the list of winged beauty that I had gotten to see one or more times. SOOO, that led to getting out my diaries of the years past to see what birds I saw when visiting other states, and that led to finding the FIRST journal/diary I started back in 1977 when I got saved. I started reading and saw the NICOLE (Nikki) back then. I read how much I loved my mom. Honestly in these last years, I keep reflecting on how much I didn't love her. So now am in a quandary. Yes I really did love her, but yes, could have done better at showing it. I have nearly 2 dozen journals and anticipate that over this next week, I am going to take my time, read them and learn about NICOLE. This might sound strange, but know it is good, I am also beginning to love myself. I am enjoying looking in the mirror. I am discerning that GOD is proud of me. I can see my angel, or angles doing High Fives in regards to my choices. AND can FEEL GOD'S love, honestly for the first time in my life in these last few months/weeks. Hey, I have been saved for over 30years. One posting in my diary/journal was about 5 months after I was saved, and my entry was this: Wednesday July 5th 1978 Yesterday I was born again. IT FEELS WONDERFUL to know I am going to heaven. Ye who believes on the Son hath everlasting life and I believe Amen YES! PRAISE THE LORD!! So this is a short posting, and I declare that this season I have come into, I am going to learn what my characteristics of NICOLE NANETTE are and what are not and let those go. What qualities that I have are on GOD'S CANVAS, and what are not and purge them. Never felt these feelings ever. Funny thing is, who is going to stay in my life and who will fly south. Most of my friends, honestly have left me, not knowing really what to do with me as I went and am going through such a deep, DEEP HEALING. It's my husband who has seen it all, and even I wasn't there to see what manifestations that I won't even share. So he is my best friend, next to ABBA. I love you CHARLIE!

Friday, November 8, 2013

How He Loves Us - Kim Walker / Jesus Culture


Saturday, November 2, 2013

I Made It To The Top and so can you...........

Don't give up (like i have done many a time).............. Earlier today my son CHUCK RAMIREZ, told me he was going on his hike that he frequently goes on. I asked if he would drop me off at Mission Trails Regional Park, and come pick me up when he would be done with his hike. TO make a long story short, I went with Charles (my son), and started hiking up that mountain. It was hard, and i had to stop several times in the first 1/2 mile. By the time we got up to the 3/4 mile i had to stop and told Charles just to go on, and i would wait, and so he went up to the top of COWLES MOUNTAIN. After several minutes of standing still, I felt restored and chose to go another 100 feet or so. To again make this story shorter........... I kept my focus to the view directly in front of me. Before I knew it........ I MADE IT TO THE TOP!!!!! https://www.sandiego.gov/park-and-recreation/pdf/missiontrailstrailmap.pdf Those of you that know me, know most everything that happens to me, has more than just the physical act that it is. There is a spiritual side to this and honestly WHY i wanted to make it to the top. This is the tallest peak in our city. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cowles_Mountain So I declare I MADE IT TO THE TOP and have victory in JESUS NAME. Shalom to all who read this.. Last but not least is this............. I keep track of most birds i see every single day........ SO on this CLIMB up the mountain, I saw Ravens, (Not Crows), Red Tailed Hawk, Bushtits, Yellow Rumped Warblers, Bewicks Wren, Anna's Hummingbird, White Crowned Sparrow,MAYBE a western meadowlark,

Thursday, October 31, 2013

What color will you embrace this season??

This last week has been intense spiritually, emotionally, and it has ended VICTORIOUSLY. I keep noticing the color "purple". I keep seeing items that are purple and they just have my attention. Now let's see if you can follow me. One's back yard; be it in one's dream or in real life "CAN" mean the past, and then the front yard can and does mean one's current situation in life. Most everything has a spiritual meaning to it. One will be positive and then there most likely will be a negative one too. The goal of this posting is to share HOW GOD can and does talk to you and you most likely have never noticed before. Well in these last 24 hours, I have been noticing purple flowers. This morning October 31, 2013, I heard a birds call and KNEW (99%), it was the Costa's Hummingbird. Then I thought, how can that be when it's now winter? So I got my field guide out AND learned they stay here in San Diego all year long. WOW!! So I went outside to watch this little female and noticed she loves to sit perched in the (Lycianthes rantonnetii), which is the blue potato bush. I then noticed that most of the flowers blooming in my front yard are purple: Mexican Sage, Lycianthes Rantonnetii, Setcreasea 'Purple Heart', and of course the Hummingbird. NOW this is the 2nd part, it is in the front yard, and the front yard usually represents the present/future SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I declare that today and from this day forward, I am full of God's Royalty and HIS Princess. I usually get and even interpret ones dreams, and now you see that you don't need a dream to receive communication from GOD. Look around and see what grasps your attention, write it down, and I even give you permission to share it with me so as to grasp and understand what it means and what GOD just "might" be trying to get into your spirit.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Taking Communion in a new way..........

Taking Communion in a proper way. I have taken communion "most" of my life. And I have taken it in church mostly as well. In the last few years I have learned I can do communion in my own home, and of course in church. What I have learned is one must have the correct heart, a good humble spirit, for if one takes communion (I learned in these last few years), in an un~proper manner, be it unclean or the like, you can get illness, disease, even be cursed. Here is 1 CORINTHIANS 11:27-30 27 Wherefore whosoever shall eat this bread, and drink this cup of the Lord, unworthily, shall be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. 28 But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup. 29 For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body. 30 For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are so many tidbits in scripture that most of us don't see. We go to church and listen to sermons, get involved with activities, but not many of us sit at our kitchen tables or desks, get the concordance out, the bible, a notebook, and a pen........... and STUDY!!! I used to do this and have notebooks FULL of studies, and have neglected it for quite some time. Now I discern to get back into the WORD of GOD, and HE will show me some awesome hidden truths. JUST WANTED TO SHARE SHALOM WHAT TRUTHS DO YOU KNOW??
Many of us, most "all" of us want to recieve, as well as give love to and from others. We "believe" that we have recieved, as well as given love. I have cared for others in the health field, as well as doing for others in employment even. From being a cashier, to being a maid, I have enjoyed doing for others. Being a Certified Nurse Assistant, caring for others when they are ill, even to the last season before they pass away, it has been fulfilling to me to care for others. This season we have come into, so many are facing that which they havent seen, felt or even recognized before. Seeing truth(s) they havent discerned or seen before. May I??? My "truth(s) are the fact that I dont know what having a dad/daughter relationship is like, except the ugly side of it. In my case the only recognition in this relationship was ugly, getting ugly discipline. As an infant being abandoned both by my dad and mom. Then being adopted, mostly only getting attention when it came to getting discipline. I dont have any memories of love from my adoptive dad. Also my adoptive dad (Bill), died when i was 11. My mom and brother moved to San Diego, and settled in. I graduated high school, as well as my brother before 1980. I married in 1979 and had 3 pregnancies that led to 3 births of boys before 2000. My mom passed away in 2002 I believe. Its been about 10 years and this last year, well God has shown me that I have since infancy had walls up preventing love to penetrate me. My adoptive mom certainly loved me, and as well as my husband, and some friends. I havent any family (uncles, cousins, etc), but do have family (in laws, etc). Let me stop and share, my daughter in law is the daughter that i never wanted to have, and so LOVE HER, greatly! I never wanted a girl, thinking she would be ugh, like me and all the emotions females have. Ok, back to the love.............. God has shown me, and I am letting the wall(s) down ever so much this year and season. I am "seeing", "feeling" etc, that i havent let God nor anyone ever love me the way L O V E, is intended to be accepted. I have always love "to do", for others, and hadnt realized how hard it is for me to recieve, to truly recieve from others. I also dont and have'nt accepted alot from others,including the Lord and when I have, it has been ever so superficial. This is the season for breakthrough for ever so many of us. The area(s), where we havent had success. If indeed you have accepted Gods gift of His Son, and havent had breakthrough, you will as you pay attention to the dreams you have. Write the dreams down, let the emotion(s) you havent let surface, surface. Let change happen. I call it shifting. This is a season of just that: S H I F T I N G. What you havent done before, DO. What you didnt like doing before, well DO. Write down your dreams. Many of us, wont let others pray for us, now its time to let others pray for you. We all have things that we just wont accept, now it a time of accepting. If you have always recieved, G I V E. If you have always given, R E C I E V E. If you are willing to change, you will have your breakthrough.

What Have you neglected in your walk?

What have you neglected in your walk? To everything there is a season and this season I believe we need to focus on what indeed GOD is speaking to us in regards to what needs attention to be purged in our life as well as what to water in our lives. I was saved as a teenager, and now i am over 50 years of age. I spent over 20 years studing the Word of God, using my Strongs Concordance; filled notebooks full of those studies. I went to Precept Courses to study, study, and study. About 10 years ago i left the church/faith i was in; (after about 20 years of stedfast attendance). I wanted more of God and I just couldnt find it in this church or faith. I started going to a penecostal church and after several years i was hit with something horrible. Let me share this now; I am adopted and found my birth dad during this season as well. What God was doing (i didnt know it then) was bringing up *^$*# from the past and with the help of my husband cast out demons that had been in me since who knows when. I was taught christians couldnt have demons. Ok, then i continued in the penecostal church but hadnt realized i really wasnt into the Word like i used be and slowly over the past few years, have nearly abandoned it. Yes i still read it occasionally but........ Last week my son was cleaning out his room and a few books he gave me that had been tucked away. 2 are about genrational curses. Yes i had "thought" i took care of this, but as i read the book, i could start to see, that well, one prayer wasnt going to do it. You know i am like a microwave person, i like quick easy methods....... So in the book there was a 3 page deliverance session, so i made a word document and sat in repentence as was directed. i meticulously wrote down every sin the Holy Spirit brought to my attention. This took me about 3 hours. Within 24 hours i was hit with what has hit me for the last years and even though once i still "blankedout" i had several more hits but didnt blank out at all. The next day, again was hit, and was quiet and still, and blanked out. So i havent been hit again since, but do know i will be. I have chosen to stand firm, and fight. Side note: i love LOVE my name that my dad who abandoned me as an infant; that it was my DAD/ABBA who named me NICOLE, Victorious one! Victory of the People, His ways have i kept and not turned aside. Job 23:11 www.behindthename.com

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Bill Yount: Standing In Hard Times

Bill Yount: Standing In Hard Times: A woman kept standing for the healing of her husband who suffered a stroke, leaving a third of his brain dead. The doctor said to her, &qu...
The Tortoise and the Hare~~~
  Greetings this day and blessings to you!  Many of us have pets, from goldfish to horses.....
Me? I have had a cats for most of my life and this one is over 15 years of age, blind in one eye, and now on mostly canned food, because of his age and teeth. Several years ago, i was given a tortoise, A California desert tortoise. Beverly was its owner and the name of the tortoise was Henry. She had it for over 20 years.  Most desert tortoise can live upwards of 50 years. I have now had this tortoise about 7-8 years. This summer (2013) a squirrel kicked her out of her burrough by harassment. She then buried herself in another part of our backyard. A couple of days ago, she aroused herself and ate some meals that i set before her. Well yesterday, our neighbor had found a rabbit in their yard and by nightfall this rabbit was in our front yard. We decided to put this rabbit in our backyard and she is now dining on all kinds of stuff. So i laugh, am taken in by how God speaks so often to me through dreams, through situations etc...... 
Backyards can so often be interpreted into ones past, rabbits can also be interpreted "increase, fast growth, multiplication (good or evil increase). Of course the tortoise can be the opposite. These last few years have been just that for me.... As a tortoise, I have been in hibernation, and now with what God is doing, well there is great growth, I am discerning, throughout my spirit/soul. I have attached two images of these cuties in the backyard.... Let's see what is going to happen this season. I declare that "stuff" you see in your life, backyard, grocery store, employment, will BE the LORD speaking to you, and may you glean what HE HAS FOR YOU...  Shalom


Tuesday, October 1, 2013


My name is Nicole and my daddy named me; my birth dad. I am adopted and my birth parents abandoned me.  I was raised well especially by my mom, and didn’t learn that until after she passed away.
I have been saved since 1977, and that is a result of Billy Graham, and of course the Holy Spirit.  I got married to my high school sweetheart and now it is over 30 years of marriage. I found my birth dad, though I was looking for my birth mom. 
What I have learned is this, I was looking for something, maybe acceptance, for I have had the fear of rejection, as well as the spirit of abandonment and had to come face to face with them for a victory, and to have that, once must accept the truth and for me , my breakthrough of my life is to let LOVE, penetrate me, every cell of this body.
My adopted mom loved me, my husband loves me, and who know who else loves me OH YEAH, of course God does. 
While in high school I took the classes I needed and found out I still need a couple of more so after a bit, I chose photography.  Before I graduated, the teacher liked my work, and I started going to the track meets. Again Before I graduated, a guy liked me, and started following me, and we started dating. As well, my teacher who liked my work, got me to enter some images in the county fair.  END RESULTS of both issues,  I am married to that guy I started dating, and have been ever since. TWO, I entered my work and both earned top prizes, 2nd and 3rd place prizes. 
Several years ago, after our kids (3 boys) were raised, I got a little camera and before long was addicted. Then I used Costco and got a book done full of my best pictures. Mostly birds, flowers, and Gods creations!    Soon I got tired of hearing about how good my stuff was and made a few greeting cards/ matted images and went to Earth Day celebrated every year on this planet. Well I made over $200. So I realized, ok I guess my stuff is good. I got my foot into Walgreens and sold some stuff that first year. That ended and though it has been a rocky road, and full of spiritual warfare, I believe I am in over a dozen stores and now one outside California.  I am going though a INTENSE healing now from the childhood trauma that did happen to me, and that is a whole another story or trail. I have been set free of demons, of spirits that have wanted me dead, and am trying to be still as that is hard for me to do.  I joined facebook, and am not on as much as before.  I look forward to learning about you know…..
Here is where I store a lot of my work. I have thousands of images, and never know what to post to share and what not to. http://s883.photobucket.com/user/NicoleNanette/library/?sort=6&page=1

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Lauryn Hills & CeCe Winans - His eye is on the sparrow


Doing my devotions one day, (before retiring)  I came across Psalm 29.  Of course most of us have read it before, even several times. But so often we only grasp stuff in the shallow end of the pool. Yesterday i read this and ended my day with this Blessed Psalm. I went to bed and the night was strange.  I won't nor need to go into detail, and then upon awakening (after several during the night), I was still burdened as I awoke and upon opening my Bible, I opened again to that very Psalm.  I pray that I grasp, soak in it, digest it, understand it and walk in this awesome Psalm. Here is it and I would so enjoy learning your nugget of the season or hour. Shalom

PSALM 29   A Psalm of David
Ascribe to the LORD, O sons of the mighty,
Ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. 
Ascribe to the LORD the glory due His name;
Worship the LORD in Holy Array.

The voice of the LORD is upon the waters;
The God of glory thunders,
The LORD is over many waters.
The voice of the LORD is powerful, 
The voice of the LORD is majestic.
The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
Yes, the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.
He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
And Sirion like a young wild ox. 
The voice of the LORD hews out flames of fire.
The voice of the LORD shakes the wilderness;
The LORD shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.
The voice of the Lord makes the deer to calve
And strips the forest bare;
And in His temple everything says, Glory!

The Lord sat as King at the flood;
Yes, the LORD sits as King forever,
The LORD will give strength to His people;
The LORD will bless His people with peace.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I am free and flying

Many of you don't know me, and those who do,  WILL CERTAINLY probably laugh at this posting.... Ready?   Here it is......
This is going to be a long posting too.
These last few weeks, I have been overcome, saturated with the word Shalom. I know what it means, but it means more than i realized. That is number one.  Number two is I enjoy, love Glory of Zion with Chuck Pierce established in Texas, and watch it whenever I can.  This month I was more than wanting to watch the conference, but HAD to, there was something I HAD to grasp, hold on to, and not let go of. It was a wonderful, awesome conference. I did miss two of the gathering though, and GOZ, posted them the next week (free of charge).  I knew the one i was drawn to the most and watched it.  WOW!  I have always know about the feasts in the old testament, the holidays etc, but never learned much about them, let alone celebrate them. I watched Robert Heidler the teacher of those holidays, and the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) was that Saturday.  September 13-14th, sundown to sundown.  I was actually nervous on the 13th and was wondering what was going to happen.
Let me share now some history.........
1957  I was conceived in my moms womb.                   2002  Mom died    
1958  I was born and abandoned by man                      2005 Looked for birth mom, found birth dad
1960   Legally adopted                                                 2006 demonic manisfestations started at night           1969  Adoptive dad died                                              searched, Searched, SEARCHED to be delivered
1977  God saved me (salvation)                                    2008  started having blankouts in the daytime
1979  Married (now for 34 years)                                 2013  Day of Atonement (truth revealed)
1980, 82, 90  gave birth to a son                                                     I AM FREE
September 13th came and I watched the sunset, and it was a quiet evening and I was alone, no family member was here but me.  I read and just soaked in the Lord.
The sun came up and I basically just read the word, laid on my bed, and just tried to not just hear, but listen if and when the Lord was to communicate. The day ended and i actually watched the shadow on my bedroom wall increase as the sun set.  I was amazed, for the Truth that came over me that day as i repented, was over the last 6-7 years with the manifestations; they basically stopped I think in 2009.  But last October, I had one, one night.  So I assumed that I was still possessed, and the blank outs continue. They are much weaker and shorter.  So Saturday, the truth that I hadn't grasped  DAH!   Was and IS the fact, that I am FREE of any demonic spirit, and the healing is almost complete. It makes me think of so many of us, THINK ever so much worse than what actually IS.
I had a dream years ago, it was the most vividest, intense dream of my life. I was in a battle for my identity (a purse in the dream) and it was a fight, for the woman i was fighting would not let go, but once I gave a very hard yank, and HAD now my purse (identity), she melted identically like the wicked witch of the east, in wizard of oz.  Pay attention to your dreams, most of the time they are the Lord wanting to communicate with you.  So in conclusion...........I AM FREE!!I AM FREE!!! Newsboys!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Compelled By Love - Teaser Trailer

JUST THINKING........................................

My husband is doing a job and had to park in a lot where he usually does not. Now that this job has started, i guess he just may park there more often. Hmmmmm...........   Anyway let's get to the subject matter that has greatly blessed me. He was walking to his truck and saw something on the top of the cab. As he got closer, he could see movement, and as he shared the story with me on the phone (during lunch i think), he described it from a distance and it looked like a small penguin. LOL~~  He continued walking and upon getting closer could tell it was a type of  jay. Now most know i am into birds, bugs, and other creation/life.  He called me asap, and told me this, and I was ever so moved, for though this new job started, and it's a little bit further away, the LORD blessed both my husband and I with a BIRD.  I love them winged creatures, feed the songbirds with seed in the backyard, also feed the jays, with peanuts. The bird he saw was a Yellow Billed Magpie and that IS a member of the jay family. LOL....   
So though this whole posting MIGHT not seem important, for me it was a delight that my husband had a bird setting atop his truck for such a time. Now it's my turn to see a Yellow Billed Magpie (never saw them before), saw a Yellow billed magpie jay, and they are an endangered species. OH YEAH, thought you would like to know........  LOL!


Intimacy-vineyard (playlist)

Thursday, August 29, 2013

What is "IT" that the LORD IS trying/attempt to have overcome you?  What is "IT" that you haven't let HIM do? What is "IT" that is probably right in front of you, and you don't even realize "IT" is there?               Deep breath.......
As christian's we know/realize alot, but do we experience,encounter and let "IT" and us be so one, that you can't separate the two.
So it "IT" forgiving yourself and/or others?  Does forgiveness need to overcome you like a wave, maybe even a Tsunami?  Or how about anger?  When one forgives so often anger goes out as the wave does.
Maybe you are a forgiving person, but you have walls up and won't let the Lord, let alone others love you! So often in both these areas (and many more) we actually lie to ourselves (thinking it is the truth), but we rely on our own understanding, instead of trusting God and His love for us.
So now let me humble myself and get all gooey (in front of you (ahhhh)).   SIGH..........     (and there isn't even anyone in front of me either, maybe one day this testimony will be though) DID I say that???        

OK.........  As i gave God my life, and He has done ever so much healing and deliverance from demonic activity and residence, from curse being broken and restoration/recovery as well as coming into a wholeness that I have never experienced. I actually FEEL emotions now. I never have like this and it is good, but can be ever so exhausting too.
Things have happened in the last few years that I can't work outside my home.  My first born son moved home as our economy has declined and that most certainly was and is a blessing.  More stuff happened and instead of having all 3 of us working from our home, now there is only 1 substantial wage earner.    Even more stuff has come into our lives that needs cash to persevere/keep going and so as a mom, I asked our kids for some help. (HUMBLING beyond words). So today when FED-EX came by and I signed for a item, i was wondering what i might be. Was it for me, my husband, one of my sons?  Since our first born is named after his dad, i still wasn't sure.  It took about a minute and then i realized it was for our first born son, and it took a little longer and I saw the sender. OH MY GOSH!  I realized it was our sons $, maybe his retirement........
I have been crying off and on ever since, for he did it for us, and our kids truly care, and I haven't ever felt the emotions of this season before. I guess I have been numb most of my life.  I realize the healing is from the childhood trauma, the curses, the witchcraft, and just the simple fact of Love is doing a remarkable, intense, nearly unfathomable healing in me.  Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles, and all other family members on this planet,  in this "TIME" we are living in, what is "IT" that God, Your creator IS restoring, that was stolen from you years ago!  I declare that you will see, acknowledge so as to let wholeness/recovery be 100% this season in you.
JOB 14:7-9
7 For a tree there is always hope. Chop it down and it still has a chance - its roots can put out fresh sprouts. 8 Even if its roots are old and gnarled, its stump long dormant, 9 At the first whiff of water it comes to life, buds and grows like a sapling. 

Favorites Songs that I love.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Henrietta Maye . . . .

Well ladies and gentlemen:
There are those who have never known nor met me. Then there are those of you that are acquainted with me  somewhat. There are those of you who are friends, AND THEN there are those who have stayed in my life through it all.  Some of you know (not many), that i have an unusual pet; a California Desert Tortoise. I acquired her several years back from a reliable source. As soon as i acquired her, I joined CDT of San Diego so as to find out, what to feed her, what not to feed her. I made sure i planted some good flowers for her and made sure as well to get rid off all the ugh/fatal plants, so as to have tortoise friendly yard. LOL~~
Years have passed and she nestled into a spot in the yard seasonally. Each autumn, late towards winter here in southern California, she would go into her hibernation. I would then bring her into the house and tuck her into a box, wrapped in some old clean cloths. Winter would pass and Spring would arrive, and i would hear her move somewhat and take her out to the yard, and watch her carefully for a few days, until she was pretty independent and totally out of hibernation. About 5 years ago, she started burrowing and come winter she had dug deep enough and the time of hibernation came and when she didn't come out of her borough after
3-4 days, i would cover her borough up until springtime.
This last spring she came out of hibernation and delighted herself as usual.  One day I came out and she was gone!!  I couldn't find  here and then saw she had gone out the gate  :(   "sad face"
Days passed and the neighbors found her in their yard and so i realized she somehow got under the fence to their backyard. I brought her back and after about 24 hours I noticed she just wasn't acting her usual reptile self.
Within 24 hours I figured out that a squirrel had pretty much taken over her borough, and she didn't want back in it. Squirrels are ok, but not when it comes to taking over another's home, place of residence. Within another 24 hours when i went to feed her, as I left her food, I didn't see her. I went to look around and again she wasn't to be found. SIGH~~
Days passed and a little over a week later, i went out to check to sit in my yard chair towards sundown and there she was right in front of our living room window. I was astounded! Tortoise's don't know there way around the neighborhood and after a week she came back??  I picked her up and put her in  the backyard and fed her. The next day again she wasn't to be found. I had made sure the side gates were shut and after sundown, pretty much said good bye.  It has been over 2 weeks and to no avail, she certainly seems to be gone.  :(   During this time I prayed and 1.gave her to the Lord and just decided to focus elsewhere, if she will come back she will. I don't need to be all bent out of shape over some tortoise.  2. Spiritually took authority over the squirrel and said it had no authority, no place of residence in my backyard.
So now, I am getting other things done better. Cleaning out the kitchen, organizing my books for business, doing lots of yard~work which I have neglected over the past season, and even back into the WORD/BIBLE better than in a long time. I got several trash cans full of weeds so as to do a bit of landscaping. Yesterday August 10th, 2013, I was weeding in some perennial area of the backyard and
I noticed far more grass growing in the Lantana, and Shasta Daisies. As i was pulling all that grass and
some weeds up, I noticed something that looked like stone under these perennials.
IT WAS HENRIETTA MAYE!!  I thought, "you got to be kidding right"?   So though she actually looked as if she was hibernating, i prayed that she would be ok, and finished the weeding.  I got up this morning and put some of her favorite foods out and touched her feet. About an hour later she was up and ready to eat!
YOU KNOW WHAT~~ ??  Now she has shifted/changed to a different part of the yard, that is the season we are all in. It is time to shift, to change. Figure out what needs to shift, what needs to change and JUST DO IT, OR LET IT HAPPEN. Also many of us have something that steals and robs from us from our past. (a squirrel in the back yard), take authority in the name of Jesus and kick it out. Thank you and Shalom         If you have ANY questions (for some won't understand some of what I am sharing)........ Just ask!!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Don't give up!

Here in San Diego we have ever so many Red Crowned Parrots! Many years ago, it has been communicated that wild parrots were brought up from their homeland, from where they were born. At that time it was alright to bring these birds, and now it is banned. So has any of you been taken from where you originated, where you began, and taken, stolen, abandoned, or _________, and then over the years, are in a completely different place, than where you started out at, and honestly you didn't move, you were moved.  But you know what, YOU, yes YOU, have persevered, but one thing "we" must do, is quit staring at the past. It is ok, to be aware of, glance back, but "we" need to quit staring at the past. 
Yesterday i was watering our front yard, and heard the familiar sound of those parrots, and such joy came all over me. I kept thinking that once they lived in their native land, (Central America), and was captured, brought up here and caged. But somehow they got free, they couldn't get back to their homeland, but made us (California) their home. I watched them for about a half hour, got done watering, and then got my bike, and camera and went for a ride. They had all (about 60-70 birds), congregated over one street. They were a little louder than usual, and somewhat restless too. I got there and started taking some pictures, and THEN, noticed, a dead red crowned parrot. There was blood running out of its mouth, and it certainly looked as if it had been hit by a bullet.  OH MY!  I certainly wasn't expecting this...   
SO many of us have been through others as they hurl ugly words (bullets) at us. Some us wonder why we battle everything from depression, to apathy, and OH SO MUCH MORE, and it is so often because of what someone, somewhere, and sometime spoke to us, over us etc.  Don't you remember that this world was spoken into existence? 
I am here to say this in your face.............. You have persevered, you are still here, you have come this far:
So many ugly words have been spoken over you, take authority and declare, speak that though those words were indeed spoken, that you will overcome, by "not" accepting when the ugly emotions hit, to keep standing firm, for your breakthrough, deliverance, VICTORY, has begun.  One thing is though, if you haven't started, Please journal, write down the UGHS, the GOOD, the special times you have. I looked through and though i thought i hadn't learned, grown much spiritually,  I HAD. I don't have nearly as many hurdles; I have ever so much more freedom, but do keep looking back, it's time to look forward.  In conclusion, remember if and when you ever see a free bird, be a parrot, parakeet, cockatiel, dove, or maybe a canary, you are more than a bird, and are being set free of more than you probably will ever comprehend.  SHALOM!


Thursday, July 25, 2013


I posted last time about jumping back into life or as it has been spoken back into the Spiritual River!   So in some ways i most certainly have, and i believe I have been in the 2 foot section of the river, NOW this weekend, it is going to be somewhat deeper. I have signed up to go the Fraternal Order of Eagles fair. I will set up my tent and offer my photography, book and other arts! Haven't done this for years and I am putting the past behind me and God knows what i mean by this. We don't ignore our entire past, but we don't FOCUS on it, and being a photographer, I can and do focus on items i shouldn't.  This is a short but to the point posting ladies and gentlemen~  

Monday, July 8, 2013

Jumping back in~~

It  has been over a year, nearly two since i actively used my camera. Since i don't drive, I am basically stuck at home and recently acquired a bike and need to get a basket or backpack so as to be able to take snacks, camera and my binoculars OUT THERE.  I used to go to nearby parks, sanctuaries, and other nature places, weekly, and had such a wonderful time with God alone. I probably have over 10,000 images/pictures in my external hard drive and/or computer from the last almost 10 years of travel; instate and out of state.  Those who know me, also know i have a self-published book and sell my photography here in San Diego and online. For nearly my entire life i have went, gone, traveled short and long distances to do what I like, and here in the last few years have been pretty restricted to home and mostly i garden and clean the house. I still get out "there" as I can get rides.  So in this last week, I truly discern I have and will get back out "there" be it on my new bike, (not motorcycle), and via some new aquaintences, who enjoy getting out "there".
Yesterday was a delight as well, for in the past i would always have my camera with me, but here at home, it stays mostly on the shelf. BUT in this last week, i have "felt", "seen", "known", it's time to get it out again, keep it charged and ready to go. I have gotten some new pictures but yesterday I noticed greatly at two different times; once being a damselfly and once a dragonfly, both in my yard, as well as flying through without landing. I used to notice them all the time, but in the last season, rarely.  I also discern that though I have focused on specific business's to offer my work for sale, i will keep mail stores, parks, re-sale shops, but will "notice", "discern" new business types to put my photography, book, posters, greeting cards etc. in.  I know that for ever so many of us it is time to think beyond where and what we have done, where we usually go, and go into new places, new types of places and not rely on our own understanding so much. As a christian, I try ever so much to do a Proverbs 3:  Trust in the Lord with "all"  your heart, rely "not" on your own understanding. In "all" your ways acknowledge Him and He "will" make your paths "straight".  
So often we do it in our typical way and it doesn't work out.  It is hard, ( I know), to let go of a usual way one will do something; the usual way we go somewhere, ETC    Even it is hard at times to try new foods.... So i encourage you today, this season to not do things in the usual way. Also to encourage one another instead of being so critical and complaining... (yeah I know you never do).    Here are the two new images I got here yesterday.  YEAH.                                                                                                                  Shalom to you this day and hour......

Sunday, June 9, 2013

I just went back and read my previous postings and I am so aware of the fact that the Lord is so pleased with me. Most of us would never admit this openly for we are so hard on ourselves, and that is because so often, either our parents or those teachers, etc have been hard and/or critical on us.  The time i shared of in May of not sleeping well, and just tired, and nauseated, well that is over. Then i discerned it was time to start a fast of two weeks. IKE'S, no coffee, and no facebook, oh my gosh!!!  Then i again discerned, what is more important to you Nicole, freedom or crutches, hobbies etc?  So the fast began. I have never been on such a unique fast. I need to stop and share, one thing that is pretty strong in me, is the fact i do hear the Lord / Holy Spirit daily. Not audibly, just discernment.  I have had some awesome dreams too, revelational dreams too.  So the fast begun and my diet changed, but what also shifted was I was aware of what "things" I could do, or not do. I kept getting  BE STILL, quit doing so much. Now for me, to sit and not work is  AHHHHHHHHHHH.  I need to keep busy. So i did quit most Internet, but did check my email daily. I got my bible out, some of my books that i had read before, but honestly was ever so focused on Jesus and Abba , daddy.  Days passed and then i knew i had to stay of the computer almost completely. I only checked the weather one day and some items Holy Spirit pointed out to me. I did some drawing, and even started a prayer focus in the morning watch 3am - 6am, as directed by Chuck Pierce. Twice on this fast, i humbled myself and told the Lord, I can't do this, i just can't. THEN the Lord took over and carried me again. I keep trying to do it all myself.  Days passed and one thing after another started hitting me be it demonic or emotional. I was getting spiritual warfare school 100%.  I learn so much hands on. The spirit that was so evil, i took authority over and went back to sleep, then again but it was so much weaker. Went back to sleep. I have been battling this stuff for about 8 years, and heard a testimony today through Glory of Zion, on that very topic. How many have battled, but breakthrough hasn't happened yet.  I am still in waiting for my total deliverance, and as i read these cool books, that i already did, wow, so much keeps coming alive as i read and re-read it. My emotions are coming alive too.  I shared before on how for 2 years now, i keep hearing  Be angry but do not sin.  Today, i started screaming, i just cant take this, THEN i wanted to destroy everything, tear down the wall, break everything i saw.............i kept screaming i can't take this. One more thing OK?  As i keep reading the deliverance books, i noticed and discerned the spirit of hate, death, infirmity, anger, insomnia etc.     SO i started throwing my pillows, hitting the wall, pounding the floor, AND THEN, I spoke HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME, HOW COULD YOU ABANDON ME YOUR DAUGHTER, YOUR BABY?!!!!!    HOW COULD YOU!!??    AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!     TEARS, TEARS, TEARS.  Yes i have been crying for this entire season, but this time, after maybe 5-7 minutes passed, I felt something. Something was different, i felt freedom, peace.  I waited another few minutes and went outside to my husband and shared this with him, and some other items too. It has been about an hour or 90 minutes, and the feeling of freedom remains. I read this in the deliverance books, that healing comes this way, not the deliverance part, but the healing part, when anger is released, and forgiveness given peace, and freedom is discerned. I have a list of people that I have been angry with, but most of my life as far back as i can remember, i have always spoken if someone apologizes for anything........"Oh that is OK, don't worry about it" All is well. So i have learned ALL IS NOT WELL!!!!   I am important and this is the first of several anger/forgiving episodes.  What are you angry about, and who do you need to forgive?

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Another battle another Victory

Be still and know that I am God, Nicole.
It is hard to realize that "not" doing much of anything is warfare. Well i love birds and with most animals you feel/see movement in the bushes and know something is in there. BUT if something is very still they can sit there forever and you will never know they are behind those leaves/foliage.
I have share a little, and most that have been friends with me over the years have basically just dissolved, and I have not seen some for years. Most don't know how to deal with a wonderful woman who can "blank out" at most any moment.
About 10 days ago around the 10th of May, i contacted SOZO (here is their website) http://bethelsozo.com/california
I gave them my email and within 24 hours i had an application, and since they only minister 2 nights out of 7, it was explained there is a waiting list. I anticipate getting in before the end of June.  Also this church that ministers SOZO, is within 30 miles of my home. I was sorta grumpy for i had applied and  followed all the rules from the another place that did ministry/deliverance and never responded after i bought books, filled out apps etc. So often most of us get that way, grumpy for we "think" we know where we are to go. Then our lives play out and we look back and SEE how GOD directed us, and in the time, it didn't LOOK like the right way.
Within hours of getting on the list I started getting sick. I kept getting the words, signs & symptoms in my spirit. I was getting these symptoms of flu but something wasn't right. Instead of progressing, let me jump to today and looking back, i got everything from pain, to nausea, intense headache (not migraine) to insomnia.
I understand the spiritual side of stuff most of the time, and as i took authority i got relief. I wasn't stupid and did take medicine. Over the years i learned specific pains are demonic, and when i took authority, well it took some doing, but i did get victory. One day in particular, i hadn't slept and was wide awake, but could discern so clearly the Lord holding me, carrying me. One of my fears is not sleeping and i believe that is from what i learned happened to when i was an infant, and my birth mom worked at night (long story for another time).
So as i stayed in bed most of the week, i kept my bedroom window and curtain open, and i could see the birds. I feed them seeds, and have a couple of bird baths for them. I looked out occasionly and was so delighted to see lots of them just not worrying about anything. Matthew 6:26      Once i looked outside my window and there were more than a dozen house sparrows drinking. A few minutes passed and there was a dove, then some finches. I nearly started crying for I KNEW the LORD was just blessing me.
It was told of me this week, "Nicole, most people would have given up to have gone through what you have, I believe God is so happy with you."  Well besides my husband, i have not really anyone close to me. And even with a wonderful husband, GOD is still first.
Another scripture Holy Spirit shared and had me focus on was Matthew 6: 9-13:  as well as Psalm 23. I kept declaring those. I also had great peace, it was so hard and i would never want to go through it again. I do anticipate deliverance as i go to SOZO.
Well beloved ones, in conclusion, don't give up, be honest, realize the power you have in GOD and use it. I abhor warfare, but what choice do we have?
Wow this song just came on and it's me right now............... SHALOM and THANK YOU to those of you who have been praying for me.  You know who you are, been praying for you to have victory in places you haven't yet. Lord Move in me

Monday, May 13, 2013

Tis been an active week...........

Sooooooooooooooo, MUCH has been happening. I rarely get sick and think the last time when any significant infirmity hit was over 10 years ago. I started feeling something not good last Wednesday which was May 8th. Today its' May 13th.  On a scale of 1-10 with pain, it got to nearly 20 over the weekend. The nausea was atrocious as well, but have felt worse there. Anyway this isn't the focus of the posting. As many know I am in the season of WHAT NOW LORD? In regards to healing and breakthrough. So i decided to go through dreams, and found one from my first born son who lives at home and blesses us greatly. We have 3 sons, 2 of which are in the military. This is the dream that I shall share.....
Chucks dream

Had a dream that we went to Antarctica to find some hidden city underneath it. We went on some crazy expedition underneath the ice in these caves looking for stuff. When we got to the surface it was 70 degrees and warm, I asked why it was so warm if this was Antarctica, you said it's always warm in the day. The scenery changed and we started driving in a Jeep down the road like we were going home.  My dream changed and you were visiting me in an apartment and you had a kid with you. You were mad at me but wouldn't say why. There was someone else there telling you lies about me to keep you mad at me. I kept asking you why you were mad, you never opened your mouth or said anything. I could just tell. I started getting mad at this other person for lying to you. You started to walk away and then my next dream started. We were in a grocery store, but I was there to watch you in a play. I was there with a bunch of your friends and family and some of my family too as well as people I didn't know. I watched the play and you were all dressed and  you and looked very pretty. I remember thinking how happy I was to be with you and how good you were doing. After the play was over I was looking up and down the aisles for you but people kept distracting me. One person said you didn't want to see me but I knew you were somewhere around. The people went over to you and were trying to escort you out of the building so I wouldn't find you. I went outside and started searching for you. Everything went completely black so I was searching in completely darkness. I thought I found you but when I looked into your face it was some other girl, I keep searching until I saw you in front of the building I had just left, you were with the people who were trying to keep us apart. I came up and we hugged each other very tightly. I told you what happened and how much I missed you and didn't want to lose you. The people started to whisper things in your ear and your attitude totally changed, they were telling you things to make you mad at me again. You asked me why I didn't congratulate you on the play, I told you that I thought you did a great job but you wanted me to say congratulations. I told you not to listen to these people, they are trying to split us apart. All of a sudden these bus's came up and we were given numbers to get on. We got our numbers and they were 5 and 6. we got on and were happy to sit next to each other. I remember squeezing your hand tight and telling you I didn't want to ever lose you. At the last second someone switched your ticket and you had to sit in number 1 away from me. As the bus started to leave those people that were originally with you grabbed you and took you off the bus and said you are riding on a different one. I yelled for you and started punching the windows trying to break out but I couldn't. It drove away down the road you had tears in your eyes, but never said a word. It was the worst pain like something special being ripped from you.
Mostly I am posting, for I don't want to rely so much on my own understanding, just THINKING, maybe you (whoever you are) MIGHT glean something I haven't.  I can share, that this season, my emotions most certainly are coming alive, i guess they have been pretty dormant most of my life. I was always taught TO LOOK ON THE GOOD SIDE of everything, as well as ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL/ALWAYS. Shalom and GOD BLESS

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Sharing some deeper than normal items.......

Well, may I shift things here for a moment, hour, and/or chapter?
These last few days/hours have been ever so full of that which I have a hard time dealing with.
I have shared "some" of course not all, and to do so would be nearly impossible in one sitting, and then, there would be nothing left for next time.
Many know in part/a fraction of what i have dealt with. From adoption, to being abandoned by my parents. And then after my adopted parents (which get credit for they raised me for being my true parents), passed away, i went to find my birth mom, and then found my birth dad instead. This happened for all my life, it was explained to me that:
1.  I was adopted
2.  There was an article in the newspaper about me. (i didn't know the details).

After getting that article, i drove to the address in the article, parked, and knocked on the door. Of course no one lived there that knew me, and of course I didn't know them either.
As i sat in my vehicle my phone rang and it was my birth dad. We talked for some time, and I ended up going to where he lived here in Southern California.  I quickly learned he wasn't into God, and so I respected that, but still tried to be me. I found out many details of what truly happened in 1958.  The fiance' that took care of her fiance's kid, and actually cursed  me, did witchcraft etc. If i understand the newspaper article correctly (i got rid of a few years ago), she went to prison for the abuse. Since finding my dad, i have had these what i call "blankouts", and after learning from some christian books, that is from childhood trauma.
In the fall of 1958 my birth mom took me to a local hospital (where i was born) and left me there. Unbeknownst to my birth dad.  I contracted spinal meningitis and they did surgery on this abandoned baby.
I always knew that my birth dad named me Nicole and no one else had that name as I was growing up. I cherished my name and to this day declare in JESUS name that I have been, and will be VICTORIOUS IN JESUS/GOD.
All my life I have had some strange feelings and after finding my dad, they shifted or increased. One feeling I have had as far back as i can remember then progressed into the "blankouts".  Another feeling i have had is like a needle penetrating my skin in specific areas of my body and have wondered if the woman who did the horrible things to me as an infant is still alive. I have been prayed for so often, and "think" i discerned of the Lord a couple of years ago, 2009-2010 maybe,  Nicole, slow down, if we do it your way, you will/could surely die. But today, May 7th 2013, the little pain that has progressed or gotten stronger, just skyrocketed. So what does one do, when they have done everything they know to do..........  I keep claiming Isaiah 40:31.  I think we have always known as well, what would happen if things never changed, if you never got a job, what are your fears. I believe I have done a good job, for starting in 2007, a demon started manifesting in our bedroom at night, and after my husband took authority over it, my "feelings", a percentage of my feelings shifted and only a percentage of them progressed to the "blankout".  So that is still a percentage that do progress to the blankout. THEN last october, twice (after nearly 3 years of no manifestations), another spiritual manifestation.  These only happen if I am asleep. Now every time I go to bed, I pray the spiritual armor from Ephesians over me.  I share this today, for LORD, what is it, YOU want to share with me. Tonight my plans are to go to the healing rooms and from now on every week UNTIL breakthrough/break-off. I also have been made aware, that my entire life I have nearly always have had the mentality of if something that was done incorrect to me, do forgive, to say oh that is ok, and let it go. I have asked of the Lord, do i really harbor anger and don't know it. I want to understand the truth and to be set free.
SHALOM to you.............. and yeah, please pray for me.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

A time to laugh, a time to cry............

This new season for me has refreshed God's word in me. For years (yes years), i basically didn't read much, of course no studying the Bible. But as 2012 came to a close and 2013 was born, i actually hungered for God's Word. I have a Strong's Concordance, an Inductive study bible and many spiral notebooks of mine FULL of studies i have done. Word studies, topic studies, but as i left the evangelical church after 20+ years, and went to the "spirit filled church" i negatively, and nearly abandoned the bible. I got baptized in Holy Spirit, spoke, prayed in tongues, started falling down, and did learn a-lot, but as you can discern and tell, what a silly choice. So as 2013 came to be, I started reading and yes, it was so refreshing.  In February,  I started to read in Joshua. On the fourth day of my new journey, I opened the word to II Samuel and my eyes fell (not out of their sockets, of course), but I saw so clearly, and KNEW I was to read and declare this  verse. I also realized to read, even over and over, not to rush through each chapter and just soak and learn from what Holy Spirit might and would point out. This is what i read:
So David came to Baal-perazim and defeated them there, and he said, "The Lord has broken forth upon my enemies before me, as the breakthrough of waters. Therefore he called the name of that place Baal-perazim.
So Nicole came to II Samuel and read what David did..........
Baal-perazim is 1188 from 1167.
1167 is from 1166:  So lets start and go deeper in the root.
1188 is "possessor of breaches"
1167  is "a husband or owner"
So David came to Baal~perazim and defeated them there, and he said, "The Lord has broken through my enemies before me, like the breakthrough of waters." Therefore he named that place Baal-perazim.
Since then, I have been having breakthroughs, and studies that were not before. I am learning more than i ever have, and am trying harder not to focus on that which is evil, but that which is good. Though I cry, and weep much, I am allowing an embracing the time to laugh too. I am reading much more than usual, scripture and even christian books. I am aware about "A time for/to everything. Learning how to declare, how to put hind oneself that which isn't the focus of ones life, a part yes, but not the focus.
As I am focusing on the good, i have written down much that i have read and understood, and sometimes declared, depending on what is read and understood, as the Spirit of God shares with me.  
Terry Dieter: 
Destiny Calls~~
You have a God-ordained destiny. Your adversary, the devil has a plan to stop you. Jesus is the Over-comer, and through Him, you can become and over-comer too. 
The stumbling block of self-correction, you cannot change yourself or anyone else!  We become what we behold. You are in right standing with God, not because of you but because of Jesus. Agree quickly with your adversary, Acts of Obedience are your only requirement.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

How can I begin?

I have so much going through my brain, soul, and have had to just slow down, be still and not only KNOW HE IS GOD, but actually stopping, yes just for over an hour, but i actually fell asleep. I KNOW that needs  to be done more often. I nearly abhor slowing down, but every time i do, GOD IS THERE.  So openly, i am sorry, i repent for it.  I don't discern God's anger, actually I discern, His pleasure in me, and that I am trying, that I haven't given up. HE knows, KNOWS, my heart. He knows the way I take, and when as an artist I have posted where showing my work (photography, paintings, book, greeting cards), I have typed, spoken, MY name is Nicole and my daddy, DADDY GOD, named me.  Nicole mean victory, victorious one.....  I am over 50 years of age, and growing up NICOLE was no one else's name. I was the only Nicole for nearly 30 years of this earthly life of mine, that i ever heard of. I found out by christian's, and non-christian's both that Nicole means Victory of the people, and just ever so many facets of victory. THEN after that i found in christian book stores, and then in the last 10 years on christian web-sites, so often the verse that is given with the name is Job 23:10-11.  The Lord has had me go and read and declare/proclaim the entire thought there of Job, which is verse 8-12.  But even the Lord has shown me, that i don't even realize how much i have come through that many other very well could and have killed themselves. I am sooooooo, SOOO, aware of  HIS strength that has kept me afloat, above that which could have consumed me.  This season it has become  aware as well to me, that as i keep going, keep seeking HIM, keep holding fast to HIS path...... I will be 100% delivered of that which has been revealed to me.  Below i have added links to Charles H. Kraft and his ministry, for as i have humbled myself, i have found out, stuff that last year, i really didn't understand or even believe.  Don't be so stubborn and say, OH I DON'T believe that. Of course ask the Lord, and there WILL be times, you are not to change your beliefs, but wow, i didn't ever know christian's could be demonized, possessed. My church didn't know what to do with me, and though the ugh isn't out of me yet, God has directed me, has spoken to my spiritual man, and even given me a dream, well several dreams to greatly encourage me. Of course there were dreams of correction too. I will share more next time.....   I could share ever so more now, but discern to every time there is focal point, to everything there is a season...
Thank you and surely keep me in prayer. HE has never let me go, and one of my weakest points has been to be patient. SHALOM to you  Nicole Ramirez