Well, may I shift things here for a moment, hour, and/or chapter?
These last few days/hours have been ever so full of that which I have a hard time dealing with.
I have shared "some" of course not all, and to do so would be nearly impossible in one sitting, and then, there would be nothing left for next time.
Many know in part/a fraction of what i have dealt with. From adoption, to being abandoned by my parents. And then after my adopted parents (which get credit for they raised me for being my true parents), passed away, i went to find my birth mom, and then found my birth dad instead. This happened for all my life, it was explained to me that:
1. I was adopted
2. There was an article in the newspaper about me. (i didn't know the details).
After getting that article, i drove to the address in the article, parked, and knocked on the door. Of course no one lived there that knew me, and of course I didn't know them either.
As i sat in my vehicle my phone rang and it was my birth dad. We talked for some time, and I ended up going to where he lived here in Southern California. I quickly learned he wasn't into God, and so I respected that, but still tried to be me. I found out many details of what truly happened in 1958. The fiance' that took care of her fiance's kid, and actually cursed me, did witchcraft etc. If i understand the newspaper article correctly (i got rid of a few years ago), she went to prison for the abuse. Since finding my dad, i have had these what i call "blankouts", and after learning from some christian books, that is from childhood trauma.
In the fall of 1958 my birth mom took me to a local hospital (where i was born) and left me there. Unbeknownst to my birth dad. I contracted spinal meningitis and they did surgery on this abandoned baby.
I always knew that my birth dad named me Nicole and no one else had that name as I was growing up. I cherished my name and to this day declare in JESUS name that I have been, and will be VICTORIOUS IN JESUS/GOD.
All my life I have had some strange feelings and after finding my dad, they shifted or increased. One feeling I have had as far back as i can remember then progressed into the "blankouts". Another feeling i have had is like a needle penetrating my skin in specific areas of my body and have wondered if the woman who did the horrible things to me as an infant is still alive. I have been prayed for so often, and "think" i discerned of the Lord a couple of years ago, 2009-2010 maybe, Nicole, slow down, if we do it your way, you will/could surely die. But today, May 7th 2013, the little pain that has progressed or gotten stronger, just skyrocketed. So what does one do, when they have done everything they know to do.......... I keep claiming Isaiah 40:31. I think we have always known as well, what would happen if things never changed, if you never got a job, what are your fears. I believe I have done a good job, for starting in 2007, a demon started manifesting in our bedroom at night, and after my husband took authority over it, my "feelings", a percentage of my feelings shifted and only a percentage of them progressed to the "blankout". So that is still a percentage that do progress to the blankout. THEN last october, twice (after nearly 3 years of no manifestations), another spiritual manifestation. These only happen if I am asleep. Now every time I go to bed, I pray the spiritual armor from Ephesians over me. I share this today, for LORD, what is it, YOU want to share with me. Tonight my plans are to go to the healing rooms and from now on every week UNTIL breakthrough/break-off. I also have been made aware, that my entire life I have nearly always have had the mentality of if something that was done incorrect to me, do forgive, to say oh that is ok, and let it go. I have asked of the Lord, do i really harbor anger and don't know it. I want to understand the truth and to be set free.
SHALOM to you.............. and yeah, please pray for me.
- Introducing Nicole RamirezHello my name is Nicole and it mean victory of the people, victorious one, and it origin is from Greece.
I am a photographer, author, as well as an artist. This is my first posting here in my blog, and over the next season, i will share from several different subjects so as to encourage you. One goal I have and intend to accomplish is to share the trials, traumas, and just hard times that i have come through, that i made it this far and you can too.
So, let me start with as i said above.... My name is Nicole. I am adopted and found out as i was raised by my adoptive parents, that my name was given to my by my biological dad. I was born in the 50's, and even though now in the 21st century, when i was growing up there was not one other Nicole i even met, heard of, be it in my life or on television. I never heard the name Nicole anywhere at all.
I was raised by Mr & Mrs Stickler, my adoptive parents, and they adopted another kid, this time a boy, and now i had a brother. We moved ever so much and so i never really got established in a neighborhood, all but for once.
My dad acquired cancer and died of it when i was 11. We moved back to Pennsylvania, so he could say goodbye to his blood family before he died. After his death we came back to California, and settled in
San Diego County, the home of my moms sister. We settled in an rural area of the Eastern County, and we stayed in one place, and it was nice to go to one school my entire high school years.
Of course i saw some cute looking guys, and sorta would follow them around. Another guy became aware of me, especially as i started to go to sports events to take pictures. I decided to take photography, for i needed credits to graduate, and that seemed different and maybe fun. By the end of my junior year, i started dating this guy who was watching me. He graduated that year and 2 years later i then graduated. He then moved and got his own apartment and i invited myself to move in. Within several months a very good friend of mine, had a dream, and because of the dream, she begged me to watch Billy Graham crusade that weekend on the t.v. (i had gone to his crusades growing up, and watched his crusades lots of times). So the weekend came and it was December of 1977. I watched the crusade and ended up curled up on the floor crying at the end when the invitation to accept Christ was given. Well that very night, i couldn't go to bed with my boyfriend, i just KNEW it was not good anymore. So i slept in the walk in closet. Within the next week, i moved home with my mom. (she now only had a one bedroom apartment, and my brother had left home). Within several months my boyfriend whose name was Charles, well he came to invite me out on a date once again, and shared with me he was saved now. Within 5 months i was engaged, and we got married in June 1979.
I got pregnant nearly immediately and had a son in June of 1980 and named him charles as well. I now called my husband Charlie. The next 20 years were basically 2 more kids, who were boys, and several apartments too.
In 2002 my mom died, and within a year i started looking for my birth mom. It was (I think) in 2005 that i found my birth dad. I found him for i had always known we had the new paper article in which it was shared the details of my situation..........
Details will be given in the next posting on my blog...........