I just went back and read my previous postings and I am so aware of the fact that the Lord is so pleased with me. Most of us would never admit this openly for we are so hard on ourselves, and that is because so often, either our parents or those teachers, etc have been hard and/or critical on us. The time i shared of in May of not sleeping well, and just tired, and nauseated, well that is over. Then i discerned it was time to start a fast of two weeks. IKE'S, no coffee, and no facebook, oh my gosh!!! Then i again discerned, what is more important to you Nicole, freedom or crutches, hobbies etc? So the fast began. I have never been on such a unique fast. I need to stop and share, one thing that is pretty strong in me, is the fact i do hear the Lord / Holy Spirit daily. Not audibly, just discernment. I have had some awesome dreams too, revelational dreams too. So the fast begun and my diet changed, but what also shifted was I was aware of what "things" I could do, or not do. I kept getting BE STILL, quit doing so much. Now for me, to sit and not work is AHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to keep busy. So i did quit most Internet, but did check my email daily. I got my bible out, some of my books that i had read before, but honestly was ever so focused on Jesus and Abba , daddy. Days passed and then i knew i had to stay of the computer almost completely. I only checked the weather one day and some items Holy Spirit pointed out to me. I did some drawing, and even started a prayer focus in the morning watch 3am - 6am, as directed by Chuck Pierce. Twice on this fast, i humbled myself and told the Lord, I can't do this, i just can't. THEN the Lord took over and carried me again. I keep trying to do it all myself. Days passed and one thing after another started hitting me be it demonic or emotional. I was getting spiritual warfare school 100%. I learn so much hands on. The spirit that was so evil, i took authority over and went back to sleep, then again but it was so much weaker. Went back to sleep. I have been battling this stuff for about 8 years, and heard a testimony today through Glory of Zion, on that very topic. How many have battled, but breakthrough hasn't happened yet. I am still in waiting for my total deliverance, and as i read these cool books, that i already did, wow, so much keeps coming alive as i read and re-read it. My emotions are coming alive too. I shared before on how for 2 years now, i keep hearing Be angry but do not sin. Today, i started screaming, i just cant take this, THEN i wanted to destroy everything, tear down the wall, break everything i saw.............i kept screaming i can't take this. One more thing OK? As i keep reading the deliverance books, i noticed and discerned the spirit of hate, death, infirmity, anger, insomnia etc. SO i started throwing my pillows, hitting the wall, pounding the floor, AND THEN, I spoke HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME, HOW COULD YOU ABANDON ME YOUR DAUGHTER, YOUR BABY?!!!!! HOW COULD YOU!!?? AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! TEARS, TEARS, TEARS. Yes i have been crying for this entire season, but this time, after maybe 5-7 minutes passed, I felt something. Something was different, i felt freedom, peace. I waited another few minutes and went outside to my husband and shared this with him, and some other items too. It has been about an hour or 90 minutes, and the feeling of freedom remains. I read this in the deliverance books, that healing comes this way, not the deliverance part, but the healing part, when anger is released, and forgiveness given peace, and freedom is discerned. I have a list of people that I have been angry with, but most of my life as far back as i can remember, i have always spoken if someone apologizes for anything........"Oh that is OK, don't worry about it" All is well. So i have learned ALL IS NOT WELL!!!! I am important and this is the first of several anger/forgiving episodes. What are you angry about, and who do you need to forgive?
- Introducing Nicole RamirezHello my name is Nicole and it mean victory of the people, victorious one, and it origin is from Greece.
I am a photographer, author, as well as an artist. This is my first posting here in my blog, and over the next season, i will share from several different subjects so as to encourage you. One goal I have and intend to accomplish is to share the trials, traumas, and just hard times that i have come through, that i made it this far and you can too.
So, let me start with as i said above.... My name is Nicole. I am adopted and found out as i was raised by my adoptive parents, that my name was given to my by my biological dad. I was born in the 50's, and even though now in the 21st century, when i was growing up there was not one other Nicole i even met, heard of, be it in my life or on television. I never heard the name Nicole anywhere at all.
I was raised by Mr & Mrs Stickler, my adoptive parents, and they adopted another kid, this time a boy, and now i had a brother. We moved ever so much and so i never really got established in a neighborhood, all but for once.
My dad acquired cancer and died of it when i was 11. We moved back to Pennsylvania, so he could say goodbye to his blood family before he died. After his death we came back to California, and settled in
San Diego County, the home of my moms sister. We settled in an rural area of the Eastern County, and we stayed in one place, and it was nice to go to one school my entire high school years.
Of course i saw some cute looking guys, and sorta would follow them around. Another guy became aware of me, especially as i started to go to sports events to take pictures. I decided to take photography, for i needed credits to graduate, and that seemed different and maybe fun. By the end of my junior year, i started dating this guy who was watching me. He graduated that year and 2 years later i then graduated. He then moved and got his own apartment and i invited myself to move in. Within several months a very good friend of mine, had a dream, and because of the dream, she begged me to watch Billy Graham crusade that weekend on the t.v. (i had gone to his crusades growing up, and watched his crusades lots of times). So the weekend came and it was December of 1977. I watched the crusade and ended up curled up on the floor crying at the end when the invitation to accept Christ was given. Well that very night, i couldn't go to bed with my boyfriend, i just KNEW it was not good anymore. So i slept in the walk in closet. Within the next week, i moved home with my mom. (she now only had a one bedroom apartment, and my brother had left home). Within several months my boyfriend whose name was Charles, well he came to invite me out on a date once again, and shared with me he was saved now. Within 5 months i was engaged, and we got married in June 1979.
I got pregnant nearly immediately and had a son in June of 1980 and named him charles as well. I now called my husband Charlie. The next 20 years were basically 2 more kids, who were boys, and several apartments too.
In 2002 my mom died, and within a year i started looking for my birth mom. It was (I think) in 2005 that i found my birth dad. I found him for i had always known we had the new paper article in which it was shared the details of my situation..........
Details will be given in the next posting on my blog...........