Jumping back in~~

It  has been over a year, nearly two since i actively used my camera. Since i don't drive, I am basically stuck at home and recently acquired a bike and need to get a basket or backpack so as to be able to take snacks, camera and my binoculars OUT THERE.  I used to go to nearby parks, sanctuaries, and other nature places, weekly, and had such a wonderful time with God alone. I probably have over 10,000 images/pictures in my external hard drive and/or computer from the last almost 10 years of travel; instate and out of state.  Those who know me, also know i have a self-published book and sell my photography here in San Diego and online. For nearly my entire life i have went, gone, traveled short and long distances to do what I like, and here in the last few years have been pretty restricted to home and mostly i garden and clean the house. I still get out "there" as I can get rides.  So in this last week, I truly discern I have and will get back out "there" be it on my new bike, (not motorcycle), and via some new aquaintences, who enjoy getting out "there".
Yesterday was a delight as well, for in the past i would always have my camera with me, but here at home, it stays mostly on the shelf. BUT in this last week, i have "felt", "seen", "known", it's time to get it out again, keep it charged and ready to go. I have gotten some new pictures but yesterday I noticed greatly at two different times; once being a damselfly and once a dragonfly, both in my yard, as well as flying through without landing. I used to notice them all the time, but in the last season, rarely.  I also discern that though I have focused on specific business's to offer my work for sale, i will keep mail stores, parks, re-sale shops, but will "notice", "discern" new business types to put my photography, book, posters, greeting cards etc. in.  I know that for ever so many of us it is time to think beyond where and what we have done, where we usually go, and go into new places, new types of places and not rely on our own understanding so much. As a christian, I try ever so much to do a Proverbs 3:  Trust in the Lord with "all"  your heart, rely "not" on your own understanding. In "all" your ways acknowledge Him and He "will" make your paths "straight".  
So often we do it in our typical way and it doesn't work out.  It is hard, ( I know), to let go of a usual way one will do something; the usual way we go somewhere, ETC    Even it is hard at times to try new foods.... So i encourage you today, this season to not do things in the usual way. Also to encourage one another instead of being so critical and complaining... (yeah I know you never do).    Here are the two new images I got here yesterday.  YEAH.                                                                                                                  Shalom to you this day and hour......

Cornell Lab Bird Cams | Virtual Bird Watching at its Best!

Cornell Lab Bird Cams | Virtual Bird Watching at its Best!

LOVE IT!!

I just went back and read my previous postings and I am so aware of the fact that the Lord is so pleased with me. Most of us would never admit this openly for we are so hard on ourselves, and that is because so often, either our parents or those teachers, etc have been hard and/or critical on us.  The time i shared of in May of not sleeping well, and just tired, and nauseated, well that is over. Then i discerned it was time to start a fast of two weeks. IKE'S, no coffee, and no facebook, oh my gosh!!!  Then i again discerned, what is more important to you Nicole, freedom or crutches, hobbies etc?  So the fast began. I have never been on such a unique fast. I need to stop and share, one thing that is pretty strong in me, is the fact i do hear the Lord / Holy Spirit daily. Not audibly, just discernment.  I have had some awesome dreams too, revelational dreams too.  So the fast begun and my diet changed, but what also shifted was I was aware of what "things" I could do, or not do. I kept getting  BE STILL, quit doing so much. Now for me, to sit and not work is  AHHHHHHHHHHH.  I need to keep busy. So i did quit most Internet, but did check my email daily. I got my bible out, some of my books that i had read before, but honestly was ever so focused on Jesus and Abba , daddy.  Days passed and then i knew i had to stay of the computer almost completely. I only checked the weather one day and some items Holy Spirit pointed out to me. I did some drawing, and even started a prayer focus in the morning watch 3am - 6am, as directed by Chuck Pierce. Twice on this fast, i humbled myself and told the Lord, I can't do this, i just can't. THEN the Lord took over and carried me again. I keep trying to do it all myself.  Days passed and one thing after another started hitting me be it demonic or emotional. I was getting spiritual warfare school 100%.  I learn so much hands on. The spirit that was so evil, i took authority over and went back to sleep, then again but it was so much weaker. Went back to sleep. I have been battling this stuff for about 8 years, and heard a testimony today through Glory of Zion, on that very topic. How many have battled, but breakthrough hasn't happened yet.  I am still in waiting for my total deliverance, and as i read these cool books, that i already did, wow, so much keeps coming alive as i read and re-read it. My emotions are coming alive too.  I shared before on how for 2 years now, i keep hearing  Be angry but do not sin.  Today, i started screaming, i just cant take this, THEN i wanted to destroy everything, tear down the wall, break everything i saw.............i kept screaming i can't take this. One more thing OK?  As i keep reading the deliverance books, i noticed and discerned the spirit of hate, death, infirmity, anger, insomnia etc.     SO i started throwing my pillows, hitting the wall, pounding the floor, AND THEN, I spoke HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME, HOW COULD YOU ABANDON ME YOUR DAUGHTER, YOUR BABY?!!!!!    HOW COULD YOU!!??    AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!     TEARS, TEARS, TEARS.  Yes i have been crying for this entire season, but this time, after maybe 5-7 minutes passed, I felt something. Something was different, i felt freedom, peace.  I waited another few minutes and went outside to my husband and shared this with him, and some other items too. It has been about an hour or 90 minutes, and the feeling of freedom remains. I read this in the deliverance books, that healing comes this way, not the deliverance part, but the healing part, when anger is released, and forgiveness given peace, and freedom is discerned. I have a list of people that I have been angry with, but most of my life as far back as i can remember, i have always spoken if someone apologizes for anything........"Oh that is OK, don't worry about it" All is well. So i have learned ALL IS NOT WELL!!!!   I am important and this is the first of several anger/forgiving episodes.  What are you angry about, and who do you need to forgive?

Another battle another Victory

Be still and know that I am God, Nicole.
It is hard to realize that "not" doing much of anything is warfare. Well i love birds and with most animals you feel/see movement in the bushes and know something is in there. BUT if something is very still they can sit there forever and you will never know they are behind those leaves/foliage.
I have share a little, and most that have been friends with me over the years have basically just dissolved, and I have not seen some for years. Most don't know how to deal with a wonderful woman who can "blank out" at most any moment.
About 10 days ago around the 10th of May, i contacted SOZO (here is their website) http://bethelsozo.com/california
I gave them my email and within 24 hours i had an application, and since they only minister 2 nights out of 7, it was explained there is a waiting list. I anticipate getting in before the end of June.  Also this church that ministers SOZO, is within 30 miles of my home. I was sorta grumpy for i had applied and  followed all the rules from the another place that did ministry/deliverance and never responded after i bought books, filled out apps etc. So often most of us get that way, grumpy for we "think" we know where we are to go. Then our lives play out and we look back and SEE how GOD directed us, and in the time, it didn't LOOK like the right way.
Within hours of getting on the list I started getting sick. I kept getting the words, signs & symptoms in my spirit. I was getting these symptoms of flu but something wasn't right. Instead of progressing, let me jump to today and looking back, i got everything from pain, to nausea, intense headache (not migraine) to insomnia.
I understand the spiritual side of stuff most of the time, and as i took authority i got relief. I wasn't stupid and did take medicine. Over the years i learned specific pains are demonic, and when i took authority, well it took some doing, but i did get victory. One day in particular, i hadn't slept and was wide awake, but could discern so clearly the Lord holding me, carrying me. One of my fears is not sleeping and i believe that is from what i learned happened to when i was an infant, and my birth mom worked at night (long story for another time).
So as i stayed in bed most of the week, i kept my bedroom window and curtain open, and i could see the birds. I feed them seeds, and have a couple of bird baths for them. I looked out occasionly and was so delighted to see lots of them just not worrying about anything. Matthew 6:26      Once i looked outside my window and there were more than a dozen house sparrows drinking. A few minutes passed and there was a dove, then some finches. I nearly started crying for I KNEW the LORD was just blessing me.
It was told of me this week, "Nicole, most people would have given up to have gone through what you have, I believe God is so happy with you."  Well besides my husband, i have not really anyone close to me. And even with a wonderful husband, GOD is still first.
Another scripture Holy Spirit shared and had me focus on was Matthew 6: 9-13:  as well as Psalm 23. I kept declaring those. I also had great peace, it was so hard and i would never want to go through it again. I do anticipate deliverance as i go to SOZO.
Well beloved ones, in conclusion, don't give up, be honest, realize the power you have in GOD and use it. I abhor warfare, but what choice do we have?
Wow this song just came on and it's me right now............... SHALOM and THANK YOU to those of you who have been praying for me.  You know who you are, been praying for you to have victory in places you haven't yet. Lord Move in me

Tis been an active week...........

Sooooooooooooooo, MUCH has been happening. I rarely get sick and think the last time when any significant infirmity hit was over 10 years ago. I started feeling something not good last Wednesday which was May 8th. Today its' May 13th.  On a scale of 1-10 with pain, it got to nearly 20 over the weekend. The nausea was atrocious as well, but have felt worse there. Anyway this isn't the focus of the posting. As many know I am in the season of WHAT NOW LORD? In regards to healing and breakthrough. So i decided to go through dreams, and found one from my first born son who lives at home and blesses us greatly. We have 3 sons, 2 of which are in the military. This is the dream that I shall share.....
Chucks dream

Had a dream that we went to Antarctica to find some hidden city underneath it. We went on some crazy expedition underneath the ice in these caves looking for stuff. When we got to the surface it was 70 degrees and warm, I asked why it was so warm if this was Antarctica, you said it's always warm in the day. The scenery changed and we started driving in a Jeep down the road like we were going home.  My dream changed and you were visiting me in an apartment and you had a kid with you. You were mad at me but wouldn't say why. There was someone else there telling you lies about me to keep you mad at me. I kept asking you why you were mad, you never opened your mouth or said anything. I could just tell. I started getting mad at this other person for lying to you. You started to walk away and then my next dream started. We were in a grocery store, but I was there to watch you in a play. I was there with a bunch of your friends and family and some of my family too as well as people I didn't know. I watched the play and you were all dressed and  you and looked very pretty. I remember thinking how happy I was to be with you and how good you were doing. After the play was over I was looking up and down the aisles for you but people kept distracting me. One person said you didn't want to see me but I knew you were somewhere around. The people went over to you and were trying to escort you out of the building so I wouldn't find you. I went outside and started searching for you. Everything went completely black so I was searching in completely darkness. I thought I found you but when I looked into your face it was some other girl, I keep searching until I saw you in front of the building I had just left, you were with the people who were trying to keep us apart. I came up and we hugged each other very tightly. I told you what happened and how much I missed you and didn't want to lose you. The people started to whisper things in your ear and your attitude totally changed, they were telling you things to make you mad at me again. You asked me why I didn't congratulate you on the play, I told you that I thought you did a great job but you wanted me to say congratulations. I told you not to listen to these people, they are trying to split us apart. All of a sudden these bus's came up and we were given numbers to get on. We got our numbers and they were 5 and 6. we got on and were happy to sit next to each other. I remember squeezing your hand tight and telling you I didn't want to ever lose you. At the last second someone switched your ticket and you had to sit in number 1 away from me. As the bus started to leave those people that were originally with you grabbed you and took you off the bus and said you are riding on a different one. I yelled for you and started punching the windows trying to break out but I couldn't. It drove away down the road you had tears in your eyes, but never said a word. It was the worst pain like something special being ripped from you.

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Mostly I am posting, for I don't want to rely so much on my own understanding, just THINKING, maybe you (whoever you are) MIGHT glean something I haven't.  I can share, that this season, my emotions most certainly are coming alive, i guess they have been pretty dormant most of my life. I was always taught TO LOOK ON THE GOOD SIDE of everything, as well as ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL/ALWAYS. Shalom and GOD BLESS

Sharing some deeper than normal items.......

Well, may I shift things here for a moment, hour, and/or chapter?
These last few days/hours have been ever so full of that which I have a hard time dealing with.
I have shared "some" of course not all, and to do so would be nearly impossible in one sitting, and then, there would be nothing left for next time.
DEEP BREATH~~~
Many know in part/a fraction of what i have dealt with. From adoption, to being abandoned by my parents. And then after my adopted parents (which get credit for they raised me for being my true parents), passed away, i went to find my birth mom, and then found my birth dad instead. This happened for all my life, it was explained to me that:
1.  I was adopted
2.  There was an article in the newspaper about me. (i didn't know the details).

After getting that article, i drove to the address in the article, parked, and knocked on the door. Of course no one lived there that knew me, and of course I didn't know them either.
As i sat in my vehicle my phone rang and it was my birth dad. We talked for some time, and I ended up going to where he lived here in Southern California.  I quickly learned he wasn't into God, and so I respected that, but still tried to be me. I found out many details of what truly happened in 1958.  The fiance' that took care of her fiance's kid, and actually cursed  me, did witchcraft etc. If i understand the newspaper article correctly (i got rid of a few years ago), she went to prison for the abuse. Since finding my dad, i have had these what i call "blankouts", and after learning from some christian books, that is from childhood trauma.
In the fall of 1958 my birth mom took me to a local hospital (where i was born) and left me there. Unbeknownst to my birth dad.  I contracted spinal meningitis and they did surgery on this abandoned baby.
I always knew that my birth dad named me Nicole and no one else had that name as I was growing up. I cherished my name and to this day declare in JESUS name that I have been, and will be VICTORIOUS IN JESUS/GOD.
All my life I have had some strange feelings and after finding my dad, they shifted or increased. One feeling I have had as far back as i can remember then progressed into the "blankouts".  Another feeling i have had is like a needle penetrating my skin in specific areas of my body and have wondered if the woman who did the horrible things to me as an infant is still alive. I have been prayed for so often, and "think" i discerned of the Lord a couple of years ago, 2009-2010 maybe,  Nicole, slow down, if we do it your way, you will/could surely die. But today, May 7th 2013, the little pain that has progressed or gotten stronger, just skyrocketed. So what does one do, when they have done everything they know to do..........  I keep claiming Isaiah 40:31.  I think we have always known as well, what would happen if things never changed, if you never got a job, what are your fears. I believe I have done a good job, for starting in 2007, a demon started manifesting in our bedroom at night, and after my husband took authority over it, my "feelings", a percentage of my feelings shifted and only a percentage of them progressed to the "blankout".  So that is still a percentage that do progress to the blankout. THEN last october, twice (after nearly 3 years of no manifestations), another spiritual manifestation.  These only happen if I am asleep. Now every time I go to bed, I pray the spiritual armor from Ephesians over me.  I share this today, for LORD, what is it, YOU want to share with me. Tonight my plans are to go to the healing rooms and from now on every week UNTIL breakthrough/break-off. I also have been made aware, that my entire life I have nearly always have had the mentality of if something that was done incorrect to me, do forgive, to say oh that is ok, and let it go. I have asked of the Lord, do i really harbor anger and don't know it. I want to understand the truth and to be set free.
SHALOM to you.............. and yeah, please pray for me.

A time to laugh, a time to cry............

This new season for me has refreshed God's word in me. For years (yes years), i basically didn't read much, of course no studying the Bible. But as 2012 came to a close and 2013 was born, i actually hungered for God's Word. I have a Strong's Concordance, an Inductive study bible and many spiral notebooks of mine FULL of studies i have done. Word studies, topic studies, but as i left the evangelical church after 20+ years, and went to the "spirit filled church" i negatively, and nearly abandoned the bible. I got baptized in Holy Spirit, spoke, prayed in tongues, started falling down, and did learn a-lot, but as you can discern and tell, what a silly choice. So as 2013 came to be, I started reading and yes, it was so refreshing.  In February,  I started to read in Joshua. On the fourth day of my new journey, I opened the word to II Samuel and my eyes fell (not out of their sockets, of course), but I saw so clearly, and KNEW I was to read and declare this  verse. I also realized to read, even over and over, not to rush through each chapter and just soak and learn from what Holy Spirit might and would point out. This is what i read:
So David came to Baal-perazim and defeated them there, and he said, "The Lord has broken forth upon my enemies before me, as the breakthrough of waters. Therefore he called the name of that place Baal-perazim.
So Nicole came to II Samuel and read what David did..........
Baal-perazim is 1188 from 1167.
1167 is from 1166:  So lets start and go deeper in the root.
1188 is "possessor of breaches"
1167  is "a husband or owner"
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So David came to Baal~perazim and defeated them there, and he said, "The Lord has broken through my enemies before me, like the breakthrough of waters." Therefore he named that place Baal-perazim.
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Since then, I have been having breakthroughs, and studies that were not before. I am learning more than i ever have, and am trying harder not to focus on that which is evil, but that which is good. Though I cry, and weep much, I am allowing an embracing the time to laugh too. I am reading much more than usual, scripture and even christian books. I am aware about "A time for/to everything. Learning how to declare, how to put hind oneself that which isn't the focus of ones life, a part yes, but not the focus.
As I am focusing on the good, i have written down much that i have read and understood, and sometimes declared, depending on what is read and understood, as the Spirit of God shares with me.  
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Terry Dieter: 
Destiny Calls~~
You have a God-ordained destiny. Your adversary, the devil has a plan to stop you. Jesus is the Over-comer, and through Him, you can become and over-comer too. 
The stumbling block of self-correction, you cannot change yourself or anyone else!  We become what we behold. You are in right standing with God, not because of you but because of Jesus. Agree quickly with your adversary, Acts of Obedience are your only requirement.