Who am I?

Honestly, I don't even know where to start this post............. Well, let's start with the sunrise. As the sun rose, I reflected on the night which was a breakthrough for me, and this is why! For several years I have awoken several times nearly EVERY NIGHT. I rarely sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. So I tend to go to bed early 8am or before, and get up oh maybe at 6- 8 am. In bed for maybe 10-12 hours and get maybe 6 hours of sleep. Of course there were many a night it was only about 4 hours or so. Now I love (for whatever reason) to make lists. I love to check things of a list as well. Soooo, as I got out my bird field guide, I was looking up a bird and ran across the check off list I have used in the back and just pondered, browsed the list of winged beauty that I had gotten to see one or more times. SOOO, that led to getting out my diaries of the years past to see what birds I saw when visiting other states, and that led to finding the FIRST journal/diary I started back in 1977 when I got saved. I started reading and saw the NICOLE (Nikki) back then. I read how much I loved my mom. Honestly in these last years, I keep reflecting on how much I didn't love her. So now am in a quandary. Yes I really did love her, but yes, could have done better at showing it. I have nearly 2 dozen journals and anticipate that over this next week, I am going to take my time, read them and learn about NICOLE. This might sound strange, but know it is good, I am also beginning to love myself. I am enjoying looking in the mirror. I am discerning that GOD is proud of me. I can see my angel, or angles doing High Fives in regards to my choices. AND can FEEL GOD'S love, honestly for the first time in my life in these last few months/weeks. Hey, I have been saved for over 30years. One posting in my diary/journal was about 5 months after I was saved, and my entry was this: Wednesday July 5th 1978 Yesterday I was born again. IT FEELS WONDERFUL to know I am going to heaven. Ye who believes on the Son hath everlasting life and I believe Amen YES! PRAISE THE LORD!! So this is a short posting, and I declare that this season I have come into, I am going to learn what my characteristics of NICOLE NANETTE are and what are not and let those go. What qualities that I have are on GOD'S CANVAS, and what are not and purge them. Never felt these feelings ever. Funny thing is, who is going to stay in my life and who will fly south. Most of my friends, honestly have left me, not knowing really what to do with me as I went and am going through such a deep, DEEP HEALING. It's my husband who has seen it all, and even I wasn't there to see what manifestations that I won't even share. So he is my best friend, next to ABBA. I love you CHARLIE!