Another battle another Victory

Be still and know that I am God, Nicole.
It is hard to realize that "not" doing much of anything is warfare. Well i love birds and with most animals you feel/see movement in the bushes and know something is in there. BUT if something is very still they can sit there forever and you will never know they are behind those leaves/foliage.
I have share a little, and most that have been friends with me over the years have basically just dissolved, and I have not seen some for years. Most don't know how to deal with a wonderful woman who can "blank out" at most any moment.
About 10 days ago around the 10th of May, i contacted SOZO (here is their website) http://bethelsozo.com/california
I gave them my email and within 24 hours i had an application, and since they only minister 2 nights out of 7, it was explained there is a waiting list. I anticipate getting in before the end of June.  Also this church that ministers SOZO, is within 30 miles of my home. I was sorta grumpy for i had applied and  followed all the rules from the another place that did ministry/deliverance and never responded after i bought books, filled out apps etc. So often most of us get that way, grumpy for we "think" we know where we are to go. Then our lives play out and we look back and SEE how GOD directed us, and in the time, it didn't LOOK like the right way.
Within hours of getting on the list I started getting sick. I kept getting the words, signs & symptoms in my spirit. I was getting these symptoms of flu but something wasn't right. Instead of progressing, let me jump to today and looking back, i got everything from pain, to nausea, intense headache (not migraine) to insomnia.
I understand the spiritual side of stuff most of the time, and as i took authority i got relief. I wasn't stupid and did take medicine. Over the years i learned specific pains are demonic, and when i took authority, well it took some doing, but i did get victory. One day in particular, i hadn't slept and was wide awake, but could discern so clearly the Lord holding me, carrying me. One of my fears is not sleeping and i believe that is from what i learned happened to when i was an infant, and my birth mom worked at night (long story for another time).
So as i stayed in bed most of the week, i kept my bedroom window and curtain open, and i could see the birds. I feed them seeds, and have a couple of bird baths for them. I looked out occasionly and was so delighted to see lots of them just not worrying about anything. Matthew 6:26      Once i looked outside my window and there were more than a dozen house sparrows drinking. A few minutes passed and there was a dove, then some finches. I nearly started crying for I KNEW the LORD was just blessing me.
It was told of me this week, "Nicole, most people would have given up to have gone through what you have, I believe God is so happy with you."  Well besides my husband, i have not really anyone close to me. And even with a wonderful husband, GOD is still first.
Another scripture Holy Spirit shared and had me focus on was Matthew 6: 9-13:  as well as Psalm 23. I kept declaring those. I also had great peace, it was so hard and i would never want to go through it again. I do anticipate deliverance as i go to SOZO.
Well beloved ones, in conclusion, don't give up, be honest, realize the power you have in GOD and use it. I abhor warfare, but what choice do we have?
Wow this song just came on and it's me right now............... SHALOM and THANK YOU to those of you who have been praying for me.  You know who you are, been praying for you to have victory in places you haven't yet. Lord Move in me

Tis been an active week...........

Sooooooooooooooo, MUCH has been happening. I rarely get sick and think the last time when any significant infirmity hit was over 10 years ago. I started feeling something not good last Wednesday which was May 8th. Today its' May 13th.  On a scale of 1-10 with pain, it got to nearly 20 over the weekend. The nausea was atrocious as well, but have felt worse there. Anyway this isn't the focus of the posting. As many know I am in the season of WHAT NOW LORD? In regards to healing and breakthrough. So i decided to go through dreams, and found one from my first born son who lives at home and blesses us greatly. We have 3 sons, 2 of which are in the military. This is the dream that I shall share.....
Chucks dream

Had a dream that we went to Antarctica to find some hidden city underneath it. We went on some crazy expedition underneath the ice in these caves looking for stuff. When we got to the surface it was 70 degrees and warm, I asked why it was so warm if this was Antarctica, you said it's always warm in the day. The scenery changed and we started driving in a Jeep down the road like we were going home.  My dream changed and you were visiting me in an apartment and you had a kid with you. You were mad at me but wouldn't say why. There was someone else there telling you lies about me to keep you mad at me. I kept asking you why you were mad, you never opened your mouth or said anything. I could just tell. I started getting mad at this other person for lying to you. You started to walk away and then my next dream started. We were in a grocery store, but I was there to watch you in a play. I was there with a bunch of your friends and family and some of my family too as well as people I didn't know. I watched the play and you were all dressed and  you and looked very pretty. I remember thinking how happy I was to be with you and how good you were doing. After the play was over I was looking up and down the aisles for you but people kept distracting me. One person said you didn't want to see me but I knew you were somewhere around. The people went over to you and were trying to escort you out of the building so I wouldn't find you. I went outside and started searching for you. Everything went completely black so I was searching in completely darkness. I thought I found you but when I looked into your face it was some other girl, I keep searching until I saw you in front of the building I had just left, you were with the people who were trying to keep us apart. I came up and we hugged each other very tightly. I told you what happened and how much I missed you and didn't want to lose you. The people started to whisper things in your ear and your attitude totally changed, they were telling you things to make you mad at me again. You asked me why I didn't congratulate you on the play, I told you that I thought you did a great job but you wanted me to say congratulations. I told you not to listen to these people, they are trying to split us apart. All of a sudden these bus's came up and we were given numbers to get on. We got our numbers and they were 5 and 6. we got on and were happy to sit next to each other. I remember squeezing your hand tight and telling you I didn't want to ever lose you. At the last second someone switched your ticket and you had to sit in number 1 away from me. As the bus started to leave those people that were originally with you grabbed you and took you off the bus and said you are riding on a different one. I yelled for you and started punching the windows trying to break out but I couldn't. It drove away down the road you had tears in your eyes, but never said a word. It was the worst pain like something special being ripped from you.

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Mostly I am posting, for I don't want to rely so much on my own understanding, just THINKING, maybe you (whoever you are) MIGHT glean something I haven't.  I can share, that this season, my emotions most certainly are coming alive, i guess they have been pretty dormant most of my life. I was always taught TO LOOK ON THE GOOD SIDE of everything, as well as ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL/ALWAYS. Shalom and GOD BLESS

Sharing some deeper than normal items.......

Well, may I shift things here for a moment, hour, and/or chapter?
These last few days/hours have been ever so full of that which I have a hard time dealing with.
I have shared "some" of course not all, and to do so would be nearly impossible in one sitting, and then, there would be nothing left for next time.
DEEP BREATH~~~
Many know in part/a fraction of what i have dealt with. From adoption, to being abandoned by my parents. And then after my adopted parents (which get credit for they raised me for being my true parents), passed away, i went to find my birth mom, and then found my birth dad instead. This happened for all my life, it was explained to me that:
1.  I was adopted
2.  There was an article in the newspaper about me. (i didn't know the details).

After getting that article, i drove to the address in the article, parked, and knocked on the door. Of course no one lived there that knew me, and of course I didn't know them either.
As i sat in my vehicle my phone rang and it was my birth dad. We talked for some time, and I ended up going to where he lived here in Southern California.  I quickly learned he wasn't into God, and so I respected that, but still tried to be me. I found out many details of what truly happened in 1958.  The fiance' that took care of her fiance's kid, and actually cursed  me, did witchcraft etc. If i understand the newspaper article correctly (i got rid of a few years ago), she went to prison for the abuse. Since finding my dad, i have had these what i call "blankouts", and after learning from some christian books, that is from childhood trauma.
In the fall of 1958 my birth mom took me to a local hospital (where i was born) and left me there. Unbeknownst to my birth dad.  I contracted spinal meningitis and they did surgery on this abandoned baby.
I always knew that my birth dad named me Nicole and no one else had that name as I was growing up. I cherished my name and to this day declare in JESUS name that I have been, and will be VICTORIOUS IN JESUS/GOD.
All my life I have had some strange feelings and after finding my dad, they shifted or increased. One feeling I have had as far back as i can remember then progressed into the "blankouts".  Another feeling i have had is like a needle penetrating my skin in specific areas of my body and have wondered if the woman who did the horrible things to me as an infant is still alive. I have been prayed for so often, and "think" i discerned of the Lord a couple of years ago, 2009-2010 maybe,  Nicole, slow down, if we do it your way, you will/could surely die. But today, May 7th 2013, the little pain that has progressed or gotten stronger, just skyrocketed. So what does one do, when they have done everything they know to do..........  I keep claiming Isaiah 40:31.  I think we have always known as well, what would happen if things never changed, if you never got a job, what are your fears. I believe I have done a good job, for starting in 2007, a demon started manifesting in our bedroom at night, and after my husband took authority over it, my "feelings", a percentage of my feelings shifted and only a percentage of them progressed to the "blankout".  So that is still a percentage that do progress to the blankout. THEN last october, twice (after nearly 3 years of no manifestations), another spiritual manifestation.  These only happen if I am asleep. Now every time I go to bed, I pray the spiritual armor from Ephesians over me.  I share this today, for LORD, what is it, YOU want to share with me. Tonight my plans are to go to the healing rooms and from now on every week UNTIL breakthrough/break-off. I also have been made aware, that my entire life I have nearly always have had the mentality of if something that was done incorrect to me, do forgive, to say oh that is ok, and let it go. I have asked of the Lord, do i really harbor anger and don't know it. I want to understand the truth and to be set free.
SHALOM to you.............. and yeah, please pray for me.

A time to laugh, a time to cry............

This new season for me has refreshed God's word in me. For years (yes years), i basically didn't read much, of course no studying the Bible. But as 2012 came to a close and 2013 was born, i actually hungered for God's Word. I have a Strong's Concordance, an Inductive study bible and many spiral notebooks of mine FULL of studies i have done. Word studies, topic studies, but as i left the evangelical church after 20+ years, and went to the "spirit filled church" i negatively, and nearly abandoned the bible. I got baptized in Holy Spirit, spoke, prayed in tongues, started falling down, and did learn a-lot, but as you can discern and tell, what a silly choice. So as 2013 came to be, I started reading and yes, it was so refreshing.  In February,  I started to read in Joshua. On the fourth day of my new journey, I opened the word to II Samuel and my eyes fell (not out of their sockets, of course), but I saw so clearly, and KNEW I was to read and declare this  verse. I also realized to read, even over and over, not to rush through each chapter and just soak and learn from what Holy Spirit might and would point out. This is what i read:
So David came to Baal-perazim and defeated them there, and he said, "The Lord has broken forth upon my enemies before me, as the breakthrough of waters. Therefore he called the name of that place Baal-perazim.
So Nicole came to II Samuel and read what David did..........
Baal-perazim is 1188 from 1167.
1167 is from 1166:  So lets start and go deeper in the root.
1188 is "possessor of breaches"
1167  is "a husband or owner"
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So David came to Baal~perazim and defeated them there, and he said, "The Lord has broken through my enemies before me, like the breakthrough of waters." Therefore he named that place Baal-perazim.
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Since then, I have been having breakthroughs, and studies that were not before. I am learning more than i ever have, and am trying harder not to focus on that which is evil, but that which is good. Though I cry, and weep much, I am allowing an embracing the time to laugh too. I am reading much more than usual, scripture and even christian books. I am aware about "A time for/to everything. Learning how to declare, how to put hind oneself that which isn't the focus of ones life, a part yes, but not the focus.
As I am focusing on the good, i have written down much that i have read and understood, and sometimes declared, depending on what is read and understood, as the Spirit of God shares with me.  
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Terry Dieter: 
Destiny Calls~~
You have a God-ordained destiny. Your adversary, the devil has a plan to stop you. Jesus is the Over-comer, and through Him, you can become and over-comer too. 
The stumbling block of self-correction, you cannot change yourself or anyone else!  We become what we behold. You are in right standing with God, not because of you but because of Jesus. Agree quickly with your adversary, Acts of Obedience are your only requirement.

How can I begin?

I have so much going through my brain, soul, and have had to just slow down, be still and not only KNOW HE IS GOD, but actually stopping, yes just for over an hour, but i actually fell asleep. I KNOW that needs  to be done more often. I nearly abhor slowing down, but every time i do, GOD IS THERE.  So openly, i am sorry, i repent for it.  I don't discern God's anger, actually I discern, His pleasure in me, and that I am trying, that I haven't given up. HE knows, KNOWS, my heart. He knows the way I take, and when as an artist I have posted where showing my work (photography, paintings, book, greeting cards), I have typed, spoken, MY name is Nicole and my daddy, DADDY GOD, named me.  Nicole mean victory, victorious one.....  I am over 50 years of age, and growing up NICOLE was no one else's name. I was the only Nicole for nearly 30 years of this earthly life of mine, that i ever heard of. I found out by christian's, and non-christian's both that Nicole means Victory of the people, and just ever so many facets of victory. THEN after that i found in christian book stores, and then in the last 10 years on christian web-sites, so often the verse that is given with the name is Job 23:10-11.  The Lord has had me go and read and declare/proclaim the entire thought there of Job, which is verse 8-12.  But even the Lord has shown me, that i don't even realize how much i have come through that many other very well could and have killed themselves. I am sooooooo, SOOO, aware of  HIS strength that has kept me afloat, above that which could have consumed me.  This season it has become  aware as well to me, that as i keep going, keep seeking HIM, keep holding fast to HIS path...... I will be 100% delivered of that which has been revealed to me.  Below i have added links to Charles H. Kraft and his ministry, for as i have humbled myself, i have found out, stuff that last year, i really didn't understand or even believe.  Don't be so stubborn and say, OH I DON'T believe that. Of course ask the Lord, and there WILL be times, you are not to change your beliefs, but wow, i didn't ever know christian's could be demonized, possessed. My church didn't know what to do with me, and though the ugh isn't out of me yet, God has directed me, has spoken to my spiritual man, and even given me a dream, well several dreams to greatly encourage me. Of course there were dreams of correction too. I will share more next time.....   I could share ever so more now, but discern to every time there is focal point, to everything there is a season...
Thank you and surely keep me in prayer. HE has never let me go, and one of my weakest points has been to be patient. SHALOM to you  Nicole Ramirez

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_H._Kraft

http://www.fuller.edu/academics/faculty/charles-kraft.aspx

http://www.heartssetfree.org/

Loving Creation, AND THE CREATOR

Well, yeah I have been procrastinating in regards to posting. I "like and want" to do things in order. BUT who decides what IS in order? What is "not" in order.......  So often "we humans, think ever so much and so much doesn't get done".   In sharing the previous, i now get to the subject matter.
This is my 2nd posting and I share that as a photographer/artist i basically focus on creation, be it bugs, flowers, birds, and landscapes. Of course i can take image/pictures of other stuff too, like vehicles, structures and people, but mostly nature items.  In this last season, i have thought carefully about growing up and that which i was used to, that which was common, i asked/tried to see it from a different perspective and did!  I see the fact that i was driven (on family vacations), all over America, to see National Parks, cities, places of interest, and lakes as well as specific mountains/canyons. It was also pointed out to me I believe by the Lord, what plants we had at the nearly dozen homes we lived in as i grew up. I remember flower names, birds, even some in neighbors yards. I share for so many of us have memories from childhood that are ever so important, and are there for a purpose. What happened to us, what we were exposed to, subject to, has ever so much effect on us as adults. We don't have to believe this, but when we do, truths will be revealed unto us, about the time we find ourselves in.  Most everything that is in, around, next to or  __________ us, has roots from our past. It doesn't have to be bad, and so many of think just that.  Ok, pick something you don't  like.  Got it?  Now ask this question, where did this start? What is the first memory I have of this?  I met a woman who didn't like to eat a specific fast food place and it was shared with me that something specific happened with their cooler, and had nothing to do with the preparation of the product. She never wanted to go there again, for the memory brought her such UGH emotion. I share this for nearly everyone i have ever met, has something they just can't stand.
Examples:
What are your favorite colors, your least favorite   WHY?
Where do you enjoy going to relax and enjoy yourself?  WHY?
How do you drive (in the fast lane, .......)  WHY?
Do you like to ALWAYS check your email daily   WHY?

You can always ask/pray  Lord, WHO am I, What did YOU create me to be?
What is of YOU, am I who YOU created me to be?

Back to the places and stuff i loved growing up...........
Now that i realized GOD, made me to love the things I love, and am learning what isn't me, and letting go of it, well i have made greeting cards of some of the plants and flowers I love, and sell them.  I am learning what i truly don't like and getting rid of it. My prayer for you is, seek and pray and enjoy that which YOU love, which YOU enjoy. Get rid of that which YOU don't care for.  Take that first and front parking spot, get that 2nd scoop of ice cream and ENJOY IT. Take that tip, be it in word or deed, or even cash. Believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  PSALM 139.........Yep you were created in your mama's womb.

Introducing Nicole Ramirez

Hello my name is Nicole and it mean victory of the people, victorious one, and it origin is from Greece.
I am a photographer, author, as well as an artist. This is my first posting here in my blog, and over the next season, i will share from several different subjects so as to encourage you.  One goal I have and intend to accomplish is to share the trials, traumas, and just hard times that i have come through, that i made it this far and you can too.
So, let me start with as i said above....  My name is Nicole. I am adopted and found out as i was raised by my adoptive parents, that my name was given to my by my biological dad. I was born in the 50's, and even though now in the 21st century, when i was growing up there was not one other Nicole i even met, heard of, be it in my life or on television. I never heard the name Nicole anywhere at all.
I was raised by Mr & Mrs Stickler, my adoptive parents, and they adopted another kid, this time a boy, and now i had a brother. We moved ever so much and so i never really got established in a neighborhood, all but for once.
My dad acquired cancer and died of it when i was 11. We moved back to Pennsylvania, so he could say goodbye to his blood family before he died. After his death we came back to California, and settled in
San Diego County, the home of my moms sister.  We settled in an rural area of the Eastern County, and we stayed in one place, and it was nice to go to one school my entire high school years.
Of course i saw some cute looking guys, and sorta would follow them around. Another guy became aware of me, especially as i started to go to sports events to take pictures. I decided to take photography, for i needed credits to graduate, and that seemed different and maybe fun.  By the end of my junior year, i started dating this guy who was watching me. He graduated that year and 2 years later i then graduated.  He then moved and got his own apartment and i invited myself to move in. Within several months a very good friend of mine, had a dream, and because of the dream, she begged me to watch Billy Graham crusade that weekend on the t.v. (i had gone to his crusades growing up, and watched his crusades lots of times).  So the weekend came and it was December of 1977. I watched the crusade and ended up curled up on the floor crying at the end when the invitation to accept Christ was given. Well that very night, i couldn't go to bed with my boyfriend, i just KNEW it was not good anymore. So i slept in the walk in closet. Within the next week, i moved home with my mom. (she now only had a one bedroom apartment, and my brother had left home).  Within several months my boyfriend whose name was Charles, well he came to invite me out on a date once again, and shared with me he was saved now.  Within 5 months i was engaged, and we got married in June 1979.
I got pregnant nearly immediately and had a son in June of 1980 and named him charles as well. I now called my husband Charlie. The next 20 years were basically 2 more kids, who were boys, and several apartments too.
In 2002 my mom died, and within a year i started looking for my birth mom.  It was (I think) in 2005 that i found my birth dad. I found him for i had always known we had the new paper article in which it was shared the details of my situation..........
Details will be given in the next posting on my blog...........